#he blames himself far too easily for things that go wrong
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
boxfullaturtles · 9 months ago
Note
Can we have more of Leo’s perspective of Another mAn’s poison when they first find Mikey
only because i'm a sucker for angst
Perspective Shift: Another Man's Poison
warnings: implied force-feeding of unknown substances
-------------
Raph punched through four different doors before they found the room they were looking for.
Leo's entire world was suddenly just Mikey. Just his little brother, strapped to a chair with a tube down his throat. Strapped in a chair and looking sick. Nothing else mattered except his baby brother.
Hot anger smashed against cold terror and all of it boiled into a frothing despair in Leo's chest as he flew across the room. It swelled inside him in a violent storm with nowhere to go, his hands trembling as he searched Mikey's face for a sign of life.
A choked, watery cry, muffled by the tube, came from Leo's baby brother and Leo felt his heart crack into pieces. His fingers felt numb as he tried to quickly and gently extract the tube from Mikey's mouth, shoving it to the side, heedless of the thick slop still dripping out of it.
He could see Donnie in the corner of his eye, crouching to undo the restraints on Mikey's legs, and hear Raph growling in barely suppressed rage nearby. But the only thing that mattered was Michelangelo, the little sunshine spitfire, their baby brother. The baby brother who'd ripped a hole in the universe to save Leo. And Leo had let this happened to him.
“Mikey, Mikey, oh my god, Mikey, I’m so sorry,” The words and apologies spilled out of him in a rush of despair, useless patches to a gushing wound that nothing could stitch closed. His hands were still shaking as he gingerly removed the bit from Mikey's mouth, tossing it to the floor with a clatter that sounded muffled to his ears. He fumbled with the strap on Mikey's head, cupping the side of his brother's face, his eyes hot because Mikey was terrifyingly still, his eyes dull and tired, “We tried—we searched for you, we were trying so hard! God, Mikey, please say something, please, please…”
(If he never heard the sun's voice again, he was going to wither and die.)
Mikey twitched and a wheeze rattled in his chest as he sucked in a breath. He blinked slowly and seemed to be trying to work his mouth, opening and closing his jaw a few times before he squinted up at Leo. Their eyes met and a ragged smile tugged at Mikey's face, shaky and unsteady and more of a grimace than anything. But there was life in his eyes when he looked up at Leo and rasped in a voice that was barely a whisper,
“…t-took you guys…l-long enough…”
(Sunlight spilling into the dark and the cold, rays of hope with his brothers on the other side, reaching for an exit and for life he thought he'd never see again.)
Leo almost broke, a sob hitching with the relieved laughter up his throat as he held Mikey's face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together. Tears blurred in the corners of his eyes, his smile hurt, the relief hurt, everything hurt, hurt, hurt.
“Did you just—damn it, little brother, of course we came for you!" As if Leo would ever leave one of them behind ever again, as if he would let the world take even one of his brothers away, "Dad and April and the Caseys are here too! And—and Draxum, if you can believe it! Let’s get you home, we’re gonna take care of you, Mikey, you’re gonna be okay!”
And he would, he would be okay. Leo would make sure of it.
39 notes · View notes
gay-dorito-dust · 7 months ago
Note
You may request A batboys reacting to the death of the reader
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
First time writing for Tim, so he’s probs ooc in this one.
Dick feels as though he’s failed you.
He tries to act like he was fine but he was far from it and everyone knew it as they stepped on eggshells with him during this time.
Dick would often find himself sat on the very rooftops where he’d take you on countless dates or just to star gaze and talk as though you were still with him.
It was his own way of comforting himself with your loss but that was never enough to stop the tears that fell from his eyes when he spotted a bright star he’s never seen before until now, and laughs humourlessly.
‘I see you’ve finally made your way amongst the stars huh sweetheart?’ He’d say as your star would twinkle in response, making him chuckle. ‘You’re so beautiful, the brightest of your kind.’ He adds sombrely as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand as he felt his heart sing out for you, only to receive nothing in return.
Reality was often disappointing but with you it was a fairy tale.
Waking up to you was a dream within itself and getting to do mundane things with you before heading off to work was something that could only exist in a daydream.
He knew Hayley misses you as badly as he does with how he’d hear the poor dog whine and whimper at the door, as if waiting for you to walk through it and tackle her with kisses and love like you always did, only to get nothing for hours.
‘I know, I miss them too.’ He says against Hayley’s fur as she whimpers and whines at the door. ‘I miss them so fucking much it hurts.’ He adds as he allows himself to mourn for you alongside his dog long into the night.
Jason blames himself for not being fast enough or strong enough to keep you protected and safe.
The apartment you once shared with him that only recently had started to feel like home to him now felt cold and haunted with the ghost of you, so much so to the point he avoids it at all cost.
Nothing felt right without you, everything felt wrong and unjustified that he became more ruthless then before on patrols just to let off some steam and would come back from them more beaten and bruised then normal.
He didn’t care, he couldn’t feel anything anymore with how numb he became after loosing you.
Dick and Roy would stop by to see how he was doing but each visit was the same with Jason refusing his older brother and best friend entry as he held one of your plushies tightly against his chest. He knows they mean well but he just couldn’t find it within himself to hear the same thing he’s heard from everyone else; It just felt disingenuous after a while and didn’t feel as though people truly understood the impact that you had on him throughout your time together.
Jason would become more destructive with himself and going headfirst into danger without a second thought and damns his teammates for dragging him out by the scruff of his neck as he fights and kicks out of their hold. He doesn’t want to be saved! He just wanted to be with you again, why couldn’t they see that?!
After loosing you Jason becomes more prone to angry outbursts and often lets them out on the wrong person but he couldn’t care less at this point, his favourite person was gone and he was left back where he was before you.
Lost and deeply afraid.
Tim would retreat from everyone and everything by cooping himself into his room, rarely to come out.
He’d rather rot in his bed and on his phone, looking through all the photos you’ve taken together and seeing just how happy you both were, all the while a pit in his stomach grew at the thought of all the plans you’ve made but would never get to do.
He hated how easily he gave you his heart and hated it even more at just how easy it was to loose you that he wishes that he could stop himself from meeting you for the first time, just so he could selfishly save himself from the best moments of his life and the inevitable heartbreak he’d soon suffer.
Tim would do anything in his power to get you back but knew that it just wasn’t possible.
He knew Jason was given life by the Lazarus pit but he wasn’t willing to subject you to that even if he was held at gunpoint. He’d rather you rest in peace than force you to live with the knowledge that you should technically be dead.
Tim would remain in his room, wondering about the what ifs and the what could’ve beens if you hadn’t died. Would someone have taken your place? Was your death an unchangeable fixed point in time that was meant to happen?
He would only be reunited with you in his dreams where he has saved you and you had gotten to live out the rest of your life happily, rather then left for dead in an alleyway not too far from the place where you were originally going to meet up for date night.
Damian dedicated his life to getting revenge.
He had lost the light in his life, so why should he think his adversaries should live when you weren’t even given the option?
There will be more bodies pilling up on the streets of Gotham at a faster rate than normal whenever Damian is on patrol, much to Bruce’s dismay.
His anger and grief was all consuming and that left little to no room for logic to make him stop and see what he was doing was no better than the thing that took you away.
Life was black and white for a long time for Damian and you were the colour.
You were the air he breathed and without you he was gasping.
He knew about the Lazarus pit in his grandfather’s possession and its mythical properties and how it gave Jason a second chance at life. However he was at a cross roads on using it for his own selfish gain, on one hand he could have you back and everything would be fine again, but on the other hand you wouldn’t be the version of you he fell in love with…
Damian didn’t know what to do. The grief, the anger, the sadness…it was all too much for him. He felt as though he apart of him was missing and he would never get it back, it just wasn’t possible.
Bruce feels as though nothing has changed since his parents death.
He may be older, faster, stronger and wiser but that didn’t mean nothing in the face of death, and your death only proved that to be true as he held you in his arms, holding you close to his chest as he quietly sobs into your cold neck.
Much like Tim, Bruce doesn’t take care of himself anymore and it was up to Alfred to make sure that he doesn’t keep over and die unexpectedly.
‘They wouldn’t want this for you sir.’ Alfred would say as Bruce slams his hands down on the surface of his desk. ‘And what would you know that they want for me Alfred, y/n’s dead and it’s my fault.’ He would bark and bare his teeth at the only father figure he had in his life, a father figure whom has seen this expression bore on the young master’s face more times then he could count, but it still hurt him to see Bruce in pain and heartbreak.
‘They would want you to take care of yourself, sleep proper hours, eat full meals, shower, reach out to anyone,’ Alfred began to walk towards Bruce and place a hand on his shoulder, where he could practically feel the unbridled anger and pain radiation through him that he kept under control. ‘They wouldn’t want you to wallow in pain alone, Gotham needs you.’
‘And I needed them.’ Bruce replied sharply, aggressively wiping his eyes with his hand as he looks over at a framed picture of you that he always kept nearby. ‘All I wanted was them.’ He adds softly this time as he looks at Alfred, lost and confused at what to do now that his anchor was gone. ‘I miss them so much Alfred.’
Alfred brings Bruce into his arms, much like he did when he lost his parents, when he lost Jason and now you, allowing him to burrow his face into the Butler’s shoulder and softly sob into the fabric. Alfred felt his heart break even more as he rubbed Bruce’s back in an attempt of bringing him comfort. ‘I know master Bruce, I know, but you’d be doing their memory a great disservice by destroying yourself.’ The older man started as he looked over at the framed picture of you and smiled soberly, you were a beacon to Bruce and Alfred wasn’t afraid to say that he viewed you as his in law with how happy you made Bruce and that was all Alfred could ever want for him.
Now that you were gone, Alfred couldn’t help but feel that the manor got just that little bit lonelier without you.
1K notes · View notes
luludeluluramblings · 2 months ago
Text
Conner Kent's Obsession with Smalltown!Reader
A/N: I saw a few people liking the Superfam stuff and finally went nuts attempting this Conner bit. I tried. I tried so hard. I added dialogue. I'm used to the YJ Conner, but this is my attempt at Comic Conner. If he's OOC, oops. Yeet. (I attempted to research, I swear.) Might edit this some later.
A/N: I write Reader with an accent. One, cause that's how I talk. Two, cause I like it like 'dat.
A/N: I'm also almost done with Part Seven, but I'm adding dialogue to that too to make the breaking point a tad bit more impactful. I've never really written dialogue before.
Warnings: Slight Yandere themes. Romantic Yandere. (Very subtle.)
Tumblr media
Conner’s run-ins with Reader always seemed to piss Tim off. Especially after Tim started researching into Reader. He would occasionally always beg Tim to invite Reader to hang out. And, he would find himself rejected every single time. Before it was probably due to Tim being dramatic. Now, he certain of this, it's because Tim dramatic and jealous overprotective.
On other occasions, he'd just by pass Tim, leaving him to his cases (and creeping) so hecould sneak and bother reader. They’re kinda cute, in his opinion. Of course they call him a big city boy and said he clearly lived off of his daddy’s money. Which was only kind of wrong. But, they way they said it made his a trail of heat crawl down his spine.
After some time had passed, he knew that Tim and the other members of the family were suspicious about him coming to the manor so much. He never tried to hide his reasons There was no point in hiding behind weak excuses. He respected the Bats too much to even think he could fool them. Plus, lying to the Bats was a good way to get stabbed with a kryptonite knife. Even though they had made it pretty clear that they disapproved of him coming around so often, He was still going to keep visiting. Could they really blame him? It wasn’t his fault he was enamored so easily. 
He kept his distance just a bit. Like he was silently (commanded) requested. He could tell he made the newest addition to the family a bit uncomfortable. And, he understood. The clone thing was kinda freaky after all.
Well, at first he had assumed it was because he was a clone. That would make any normal person feel a bit weird. But, then he heard them keep call him that nickname. City boy. The way it rolled off their tongue and how often it was said was clearly a sign. They weren’t bothered by the clone thing. They just didn’t like his personality. He could fix that. That wasn’t that hard. He was adaptable.
So when he approached them again, for the million time, he tried to play up the cool and collected act. Going as far as to emulate the Batman. Which, surprising made the ice break. When they laughed at him.
☁��☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
"No, seriously why are you acting like that?" You're still giggling at how hard he was trying to play up the serious act. Cause that's all it was. You don't doubt he could genuinely be serious for a moment, but this wasn't one of those moments.
"I'm just letting you see a different side of me, is all." Conner replies, trying to keep it up even though he had been quickly caught.
"You mean the imaginary side, city boy? I didn't realize you liked to play pretend." Another teasing snort. God, how you needed that laugh.
"I'm not pretending."
"Yeah, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yeah."
"No."
"Yes, you are. Don't be lyin' to me now. Or, Imma start gettin' upset."
"Okay, okay... How could you tell?" He conceded after a moment. The way he scratched the back of his head suited him much more than that little Oscar performance he was putting on a few seconds prior.
"I'm observant." Comes the mock arrogant reply. It was hard to give him a cold shoulder when he just made you laugh so genuinely in the last few weeks.
"Oh, look who's playing pretend now." The snark on his tongue doesn't have any heat, but it does bring you some relief. A bit of much needed normalcy.
Maybe it's the fact that the loneliness has slowly crawled into your chest and burrowed it's self deep in that hollow part of you, but it's easy to let your guard down around him for once. You had noticed his efforts to get to know you before, and maybe you let those preconceived notions cloud your little head. But, there was no need for them anymore. The twinge of glee he sparked was enough to burn them away and make you pause before you would rebuild those walls of yours.
"Are you saying I'm not observant?"
"Yep."
"The audacity!" The outrage nothing more than a sham. A simple way to fill the air between them. Cause even if the talk was small, just the hint of it filled something in you. That didn't make your curiosity fade, however. "But, seriously, why are you impersonating Bruce? And in his own house, no less."
The brief silence that washes over you both has you already regretting this. Had it really so long since you've had a proper conversation that you were this out of practice?
When he finally speaks again, it is gives you relief and more regret.
"I just wanted to finally get your attention."
Well, doesn't that make you finally fit in with the rest of your family?
Your tongue brushes over your teeth in an attempt to get the lead coating that made your words weigh heavy in your mouth off of it.
"I'm sorry, Conner. I- I've been smallminded haven’t I?"
"No, I get it. The whole clone thing is freaky." He starts, a light flush on his cheeks. He wasn't expecting an apology, and especially one so soon and so heartfelt.
"Oh, yeah, that... Really it didn't have anything to do with it. I kinda just thought you were a typical concrete jungle flirt. Momma warned me about men like you." You try to hide your sheepishness by adding humor to your voice, praying he catches your sincerity under all the different layers.
He catches something, judging by the beaming smile Conner gives you.
"Really? I had hoped it wasn't, ya know, that."
"Nah, nah. It wasn't. Still, I am sorry." You assume silence is about to befall the pair of you again, but he doesn't let it happen.
"My family owns a farm out in Kansas, you know?" The cheeky grin on his face screams that he's going to be getting his revenge in the form of mild bullying.
"No!" The resounding smack of your palm hitting your forehead nearly echoes in the halls. "I feel even worse now."
"So much for being observant, little detective."
"I never claimed to be no detective. But, I might be more... oblivious then I initially implied..."
Now, it's Conner's turn to guffaw at you.
"The audacity."
"Don't you throw my words back at my. I can't handle it." You can't help by click your tongue. There's hardly any annoyance from your words. "I really misjudged you."
"It's fine! I figured you might still be adjusting to Gotham and the whole Wayne lifestyle. Tim mentioned you're from a pretty small town when I started bugging him about you." He's clearly playing up the charm, but you let it work on you.
"More like I'm still suffering from culture shock." Slowly, you can feel this conversation starting to shift to something deeper than surface level. Things that haven't been allowed into the open air start to ripple underneath.
And, he takes that chance to draw it out.
"Still?" Empathy mixing into his tone. Those icy blue eyes looking incredibly warm. You'd never really taken the time to look at him. Sure, you knew he was attractive. Hell, everyone that seemed to show up at the manor was attractive. But, now you were finally looking at him. Too focused were you in taking in his appearance for the first time, that you completely missed the way those eyes shined with opportunity and desperate want.
"Yeah, still. It's... different."
"Different as in the food's a little weird or different as in the people are a little weird?"
"It's all a little weird, and it's... kinda... lonely?" You can't help the wince. You really don't wanna trauma dump on someone who you had initially misjudged. He didn't deserve that.
But, as he moves closer you can't help it. That desolate part of you longing for comfort when you haven't had it in such a long time and the way he's giving you all this undivided attention when you can barely catch Alfred in the halls these days fills that acute craving in your gut.
"Lonely?" God, the concern in his voice doesn't make you want to cry, but it does make you want to choke
"I... I think it's not here that's different. I think it's me that's too different." The way he sucks a breath in after the words leave your mouth makes you want to backtrack immediately. "I'm so sorry. God damn, am I mess right now."
"No. No. No. You are fine." The reassuring words oddly sound more like a purr, but they capture your attention all the same. "I get it. I really really do."
Why does he have to give you such a disarming smile. He's practically beaming at you now. There's a festering tension blooming around them like spores.
"You are really not helping me fell less like a jerk to you now." The click of your tongue attempting to defuse the budding blooms.
"Hey, if you're feeling guilt... you could, maybe... let me take you out for dinner sometime? Just to make it up to me."
After a stunned moment of thought, you finally find the words to reply.
" Honestly, I'd-"
"CONNER!" Tim's sudden interruption sends the words crawling back down your throat.
"Tim." He calls back in a cool greeting, but he strangely doesn't step back from you. Which is nice. You haven't had anyone close to you other than Dick and a few of your remaining friends at Gotham Academy. And Damian, Cassandra, and Duke get a bit huffy, or in Damian's case murdery, when they are within an arms reach of you.
"Sorry, am I interrupting anything? Conner and I had plans for the day." Tim's pleasant voice sends a wave of unease over you. He's not staring at you when he speaks. Just Conner. It's annoying how he's ignoring you despite you being right. In. Front. Of. Him.
But, then he does finally look at you and his dark grey eyes soften ever so slightly. You're not too mad. Clearly he's exhausted, judging by the bruises under his eyes. There's still a slight reflection in them as he's gaze meets yours, despite how dry the appear. Probably from looking at a computer too much.
"You really shouldn't bother with this guy. He's not worth it." The words are clearly meant to be joking. Casual banter between two close friends. But, you can't help thinking they come off a bit strong.
Conner seems to bristle at them, but he does brush them off.
"That's right, we are hanging out today. Can you blame me for getting distracted, though?" That cocky smirk of his is back, and he actually touches your shoulder. It makes you feels warm, but like a prize at the same time.
All Tim seems to do in response is twitch, but giving nothing away. His grey eyes going steely as they drift to Conner's hand.
When the moment finally passes, Conner lets his hand fall. You can feel it grazing down your back as he pulls away. Slow, like he's trying to strike a match and light something inside you.
"I'll see you later, sweetheart. Just think about my offer and get back to me on it!" Conner calls out as Tim storms behind him. Both heading in the direction of the library.
☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️
As soon as their in the Batcave, Conner can tell he probably pushed it too far. Not that he has any regrets. He finally got somewhere and confirmed all of his previous theories about Reader. They were so adorable apologizing to him, and so deliciously sweet about it too.
He should've realized Tim was watching them, though. Dude was a creep. He maybe his best friend, but he's still a damn creep.
As expected, the rest of the family is also giving him the patented Bat-glare when he sees them. But, as he stated, he has no regrets. He's not stupid enough to stick around, though. He saw Jason loading a suspicious looking green bullet into the chamber of his gun. And, while he knows Tim wouldn't kill him, he's not so sure about the rest of them.
He's confirmed what he's wanted, what he's already suspected. They're absolutely perfect for him and ripe and raw.
699 notes · View notes
3amfanfiction · 2 months ago
Text
Simon Finds a Toy pt 2
Serial killer Simon takes you with him on his outings. How does that go? Cw: Stockholm Syndrome, period play, blood First
Tumblr media
You watched at first.
Simon was beautiful in his brutality. You knew something was wrong with you for thinking it but it was the truth. The control he had over his body and the environment was truly astonishing. It was as if nothing could go amiss when he was watching.
It turned you on.
You weren't going to do anything about it of course. That was crossing a line. But you couldn't help how your body responded to him. It was just human nature. No one would be able to blame you.
Not that you spoke to anyone else. That was a step too far for Simon apparently. While he trusted you to leave the cabin with him, he got downright antsy if you began talking with people.
It didn't bother you as much as you would expect it to, having gotten used to only talking to Simon and Dog. The cabin had been a lonely place, isolating. Some days you wondered if being there warped who you were or if it only allowed it to flourish.
You're not sure you want to know the answer either way.
You watched as Simon worked his way through an office building. It was late, the sun having set long ago and the temperature was frigid in the evening air. You shivered from your place tucked into a little leeway near the back exit, tucking your hands further into your sleeves.
You heard the occasional low scream through the walls. Faint, only noticeable because you were actively looking for it.
That was a while ago though. It had been quiet for the last little bit which is why it surprised you so much when the door you were standing near burst open—slamming back against the wall before bouncing back, a man stumbling out in a panic before collapsing on the little concrete landing pad. You didn't say anything as he laid there and breathed, little sobs breaking through his panting as he tried to gather himself. There was blood copiously covering him and it looks like Simon has been toying with him for a while if the knife marks are anything to go by.
After a few short moments he gathered himself enough to lift his head, pushing himself to his knees slowly, clearly in pain. You must have made some sort of noise because his head whipped around towards you as he threw himself backwards, hands coming up in front of his face in protection.
Please, please no more.
You don't say anything, you can't say anything, can only watch this grown man begin to cry where he's huddled against the building, the sounds echoing softly in the night air.
He realized quickly that you weren't the monster that had been chasing him and switches gears abruptly—begging you to call the police, to help him, to get out of here. He cycles through them all rapid-fire, not giving you a chance to respond before the door slammed open again, this time much more controlled.
You saw Simon standing there, covered in thick canvas and looming like the specter he fashioned himself after. His white mask splattered with blood only increased his frightening demeanor.
The man who had been pressed to the brickwork of the building yelped and dove for you, grabbing your hand as if to tug you with him as you ran. It was kind of sweet how he was worried about leaving you behind.
You didn't say anything as Simon walks over and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, twisting a tight fist into the fabric to more easily corral him. You stood still as he began to walk back inside, dragging the whimpering man behind him. You didn't flinch as the man looked at you with a betrayed gaze.
As the door slammed you heard the quiet wind blowing through the trees again, crickets beginning to chirp after a few moments more.
\\\
You weren't talkative on the way back to the cabin.
You didn't feel particularly bad, which is what made you feel kind of bad. You didn't even want to help when that man made it outside. It was the same thing as a car passing you on the freeway. Something that was there but didn't elicit any sort of response. He was a non-entity.
Even when he grabbed you, trying to save the both of you, he didn't endear himself to you beyond a thought. You were more excited to see Simon walking through the door—looming, menacing—than the thought of the man getting away.
Isn't it a human concept to want to keep those around you safe? What does that make you then?
Simon let you stew in peace.
\\\
You didn't go with him next time or the time after that, instead choosing to stay home with Dog. He was lonely without the both of you, you told Simon, it's not fair to leave him alone for that long.
So you stayed. And you thought. And you tried to figure out what type of person you were. Did it really matter though? Deciding your placement on a scale of how 'good' you were wasn't going to change your actions. You let him die and you felt nothing about it.
Honestly, you still felt nothing about it.
\\\
Dog has two new tricks learned by the time Simon got back—stay and fetch. Well, there's about a 50% success rate on both of them so you're not quite sure if you can claim them as tricks learned just yet. But you were optimistic.
He didn't say anything when he walked in the house. Simply came over to kiss you dirty before going to wash up. You licked your lips and nearly trailed after him before you stopped yourself.
You could at least wait until the blood is gone.
\\\
"My period is ridiculously heavy this month. I don't think I've bled this badly in years," you said miserably, thunking your head down on the table. "The cramps hurt so much," whining to Simon, unable to do anything else.
He didn't say anything as he continued to clean and sharpen his hunting knives. The now familiar smell filling your brain and turning it hazy and warm. It would be a perfect day if your insides weren't trying to become your outsides in such demand. You rocked your head to the side so you could watch him, admiring how the streaming sunlight was bouncing off his face.
He was covered liberally in scars but you never found you minded much. Not even in the beginning—he'd always been handsome in your eyes. You watched, eyes at half mast while he rasp rasp rasped the blades against the whetstone, shining where it had been doused in oil. His strong fingers and thick wrists led up to his delicious forearms. Watching the tendons flex and move while he worked the blade against the stone had you shifting in your seat, prior complaints forgotten.
As he set down a completed knife and reached for the next, you found yourself blurting out, "I want to fuck your face."
Silence.
Why did you say that? Why did you say that? You were on your period, even if you wanted to you couldn't, plus you'd never said something like that bef—
"Okay."
What?
Simon put the knife back onto the towel it had been waiting on, ready to be picked back up later. He closed the oil tin and began to push away from the table before you were able to get your thoughts in line again.
"No!"
You backtracked when he looked at you, eyebrow raised, "I mean, no we can't do that. I'm bleeding right now, I don't even know why I said it."
"It doesn't bother me."
It doesn't bother me It doesn't bother me It doesn't bother me
It kept repeating in your mind, a circling echo as you mechanically removed blankets and laid out towels on the bed. Simon was stripping off his shirt but leaving his pants on, unbuttoned over his hips. He gestured impatiently when he caught you staring, prompting you to finish pulling off your bottoms. The pad you were using plopped heavily to the floor, already saturated even though you'd replaced it less than an hour ago. You ended up pulling your top off too after a moment, feeling a bit like Winnie the Pooh with a shirt on but no pants.
With a careful crawl you made your way to the center of the bed, already feeling a trail of blood making it's way down your thigh almost to the halfway point. A gasp and a clench when Simon swats at your butt as you moved past him caused the trail to gain several inches quickly.
A final shuffle and you made it to the towels, spinning around to lay on your back, watching Simon through your spread knees. Without any further delay he planted himself flat on his front, face hovering right above your cunt.
He didn't do anything but stare at it at first—watching the blood pool in the slit, filling it until the lips couldn't contain it any more before it spilled down to be collected by the towel. You're embarrassed to admit it but him just laying there looking at you is enough to begin feeling warm, the involuntary twitching of your cunt the last straw before he slid two of his fingers in to the base in one smooth movement.
You yowled at the sudden stretch.
There was practically no drag with how much you were bleeding but the stretch was still shocking. The wet squelching immediately filled the air, Simon thrusting his fingers in deeply before dragging them out, rubbing firmly along your walls as if he was trying to scoop the blood out.
You quickly began to pant, fisting the sheets below you as you struggled to keep still. Your little aborted thrusts were mostly ignored other than the grumbled, lay still. You were mostly successful until you felt as his rough fingers grazed a sensitive spot inside causing you to arch up and away involuntarily. With a snarl, Simon had you pinned down with his free arm across your pelvis—not letting you go anywhere.
Oh! That's . . . oh.
With a shocked gasp you finished, covering Simon's hand and forearm with bloody liquid, contractions doing the work of pushing out any back-pooling of blood. With a throaty groan Simon dove in—mouth first into your cunt.
"Simon!" you yelped, only just finishing the aftershocks of your orgasm. "Be gentle, please!"
If he heard you he didn't bother acknowledging it—simply continued feasting on your bloody cunt. You looked down to see something out of a murder scene. Blood was smeared all along his cheeks almost to his ears with how it was transferring to your thighs and back onto him. You were sure you'd be finding blood in his hair once this was over.
His mouth and nose were the worst of it with vivid red so thick you couldn't see the skin in some parts. He moved up to focus on your clit, his eyes glancing up at you and you jerked when you saw pools of black—his pupils completely eclipsing the iris.
He looked crazed, like the killer he was, an insane murderer who wanted to bathe in blood.
He looked as if he were smothered in decadence.
You noticed him humping the bed right before his fingers found their way inside you again, playing you like a fiddle. He was well versed in all your buttons and he quickly brought you back up to another peak.
As your breath grew shorter and whines started to fall from your lips he groaned into your folds, his rocking hips developing a frantic pace.
He came from dry humping the bed while eating you out. Your cramps having abated along with the itch under your skin. You could stay here for ages—keep him between your legs, worshiping at your center. Nothing to be done but splay out and take the pleasure as it came.
—you could ask.
You didn't get the chance before he's diving back in, ignoring your squeal at the overwhelming sensation so soon after your orgasm. He pinned you down again as you squirm, muttering about, never get to play in it, they're always screaming, tastes so good coming from you, want your cum mixed in with it.
When Simon pulled away, you looked down to check on him. You saw him holding a bloody clot, rolling it back and forth along his fingers, squishing and manipulating it—playing with this piece that had just been inside of you.
You were coming to the realization this was going to be an every month type of thing. Maybe playing in blood wasn't so bad.
\\\
Simon didn't ask you to come with him, he simply made it clear that you were welcome.
A second bag is sitting on the table, waiting to be filled, to be used. Simon ignored it and you as he stood there packing his own. He's going to the other side of the country for this outing and would be gone for close to a week.
You watched his bag fill up, items being tucked away and placed in pockets while the second bag sat there empty and flat.
He didn't say anything when you stood next to him and packed your jacket.
It was a completely uneventful trip for you.
\\\
You'd fallen into the swing of waiting by the back door, just in case, but Simon was good about keeping everyone where they should be. It seemed after the first one he was a little hesitant about leaving you alone with one of his victims. Were you a victim too? Or were you a participant at this point?
It's warmer now—not quite the full weight of summer heat but close to it. You were staring at the closed door, wondering what you would see if you opened it and walked inside. Did you even want to see anything? What did you think you'd get out of it? Maybe you were trying to punish yourself.
You already knew what Simon did. Seeing it wouldn't change anything . . . would it? You imagined how he looked when he was in complete control and your will wavers with the dangling reward. Maybe a little peek wouldn't hurt.
You hadn't taken more than two steps before the door burst open and oh, you were doing this again weren't you?
This time it was a young woman that stumbled out. She's pretty, you noticed offhandedly, even with her torn leggings, bloody nose and mascara tear-tracked face. She saw you and immediately jerked back, smart enough to know anyone standing outside a murder building probably had something to do with the murders.
Her expression wavered as you just stood there looking at her, not saying anything. More tears spilled over her lash line as she stared back, not giving an inch.
She took one step towards freedom and you yelled.
I guess that answers the participant question.
|||
Story Repository || Main Repository
198 notes · View notes
starburr · 22 days ago
Text
Another thing that I think about is despite we see Orion pushing D-16 to imagine more, to strive for it, he ultimately means well. He says "I did this for us" during the race even if what comes next is to D-16's annoyance, or the way he looked over to wait for D-16 to catch up during their quest to find the matrix. Orion is impulsive and selfish at times but makes sure to try and figure out what to do next instead of just internalizing it, because he knows he wants others to succeed with him. He dreams big because he wants to be more, and wants what he reaps to give to others because of how they "can be so much more."
Tumblr media
On the other hand, D-16 is easily hurt and angry, selfish. It makes sense given his entire life was built on lies, and even before that he felt frustrated but ultimately resigned himself to the fact that they're "just miners. We mine, that's it." He put his faith in Sentinel and the system they lived in that was built on lies, believed in it, but blames others for it. Notice when he lashes out at Orion that he blames him specifically, not even questioning himself on why he believed Sentinel for so long or what he could do to change their lives now. He projects that Orion is constantly thinking about himself and no one else, and yet he still thinks about Sentinel's deception towards him, not his people. He's realistic because he reacts to his first taste of power with a willingness to fight back (maybe too willing), but with the added philosophy of "might makes right" no matter the consequences. Even as he's aiming to kill Sentinel, he's desperate to get it done. He doesn't want to think about the consequences as much as he knows there are, because that's for him to figure out later once he achieves his satisfaction. I'm not calling Orion blameless and perfect for the rest of their interactions in the movie leading up to their falling out, but he at least is thinking of the bigger picture and how it is they can be better.
Tumblr media
D just wanted Sentinel dead, I don't fault him for that. But if you are to cement that philosophy that only the strong should rule in front of your entire people, it will make everything inevitably worse as far as overthrowing corrupt governments go. You've replaced your sell-out two-faced fake prime of a leader with an even worse one, one who demands you stay on protocol or else you face the consequences. He believes that others are as selfish as him, even as he was breaking down after having shot Orion, he still blamed him. "Why did you do that why?!?!" Not once did he try to comfort Orion or the others after the revelation that Sentinel betrayed the Primes, this leads him to further becoming cold and intimidating because he believes he can only trust himself. He is right to want Sentinel to pay for his actions, but wrong for not thinking of the consequences of killing him and applying this 'might makes right' mindset right after he's still projecting his selfishness onto others.
Tumblr media
D-16/Megatron is a complex character, a tragedy that makes you wish he wasn't so selfish because ultimately, he was still Orion's friend, something that Orion never forgot. Even in the final battle, where both of them were still relying too much on their new-found abilities, Orion wasn't trying to hurt him. Well, I should say Optimus, but where D-16 saw another Prime to be crushed after renouncing them, Optimus still saw the same miner bot he cared for so long.
68 notes · View notes
azulsluver · 1 year ago
Note
I just binge read your bully au for twst and OMG! What if MC ends up cracking, going numb to protect themselves. They still do as told, but they have sky eyes, no emotion. Who would keep pushing to see them fully break, or who would just dump them like trash!?! Hell, who would enjoy them losing the fight in them!
tw: yandere, bully!characters, blood mention, unhealthy relationships/behavior, victim blaming.
Disclaimer, you don’t actually want this n stay safe from people like this!
Tumblr media
Continue tormenting for fun:
Leona
Doesn't take you seriously. That's it? You're giving up already, gosh you really can't do anything by yourself...Leona is less than disappointed, in fact he knew good things would come to an end. But you still serve some purpose to him, Leona can't find himself to throw away his favorite toy, some things are just meant worth keeping. Even when broken and used.
Sebek
I don't think he'd catch on very quick, how you follow his instructions yet when the heel of his boot hits your back you make no sound of pain. Sebek should've known humans were too weak to handle his training, being pushed a little really got you that gone? This will only give Sebek the advantage to harm you further, he likes taking his frustration out on you without you screaming.
Lilia
You lasted longer than the others, and he'll applause you for that. Lilia doesn't necessarily hate this new you, embracing it but continues to see just exactly how far you can go. You're only in a shell, and he's not dumb, Lilia will stare longingly into your hollowed orbs, there is still a hint of you. Hiding away from him, Lilia is only fueled to either have you brain dead or back.
Rook
You're absolutely divine, he'll say as he wipes the trickling blood on your lips. You can't fool Rook with those dead-beat eyes, in fact this new look is beautiful. Rook craves for more of this expression you possess, he's seen you smile and cry, he wants to unravel more until you actually break. Rook has done some research on how the human mind can shut down when pushed into pressure, the thought of your alive yet corpse like body not instructing as told, he knows you're still in there.
Jamil
Jamil is conflicted with himself, you're alive but not yourself. A part of him enjoys the fact you won't refuse his affections. But did he really want this? Don't get this the wrong way, Jamil still prefers to beat you into submission, a sick part of him loves you so much yet he can't reciprocate his feelings to you. Understanding that this new you, will help ease his overwhelming emotions, he doesn't need to pretend anymore. Your clouded eyes are what he loves best.
Vil
Recents posts of him explain that Vil absolutely needs you just to take his anger out on. He’s in love with you no doubt, but embarrassment shames him from normally communicating with you. So even if you were emotionless he’d find some use, because he can’t get rid of you no matter how badly beaten your skin is. It’s you, and he’ll have no other person.
Epel
Didn’t know how to react at first. Epel kicks you a couple of times to see how you’d react. I think he because you aren’t responding to any of his criticisms does he ponder. He’s smitten with you, creating a fake narrative on his behavior that what he’s doing is ok, when he’s well aware it isn’t. Keeps you around because your nice to relieve stress from, doesn’t mind if you aren’t screaming and crying.
Toss them away (but he'll start thinking about you then wants you back eventually):
Jade
What a shame...he knew it was a bad idea to share with Floyd. You broke so easily, so fast, just when things were getting good. What good of an experiment if they give the same reaction, you aren't screaming as much as he expected. And the worse part is you listen to exactly what he asks for, there is no hesitation or breaking down to crying, you really are willing to cut off your hand? How boring.
Floyd
Frustrated, acts as if he didn't expected this to happen. Floyd is throwing a huge tantrum once he finds out you don't kick or scream at him. He misses the terror in your eyes when he asks you a question of such, now you're giving him a blank look! Not safe to say, if Azul or Jade wasn't there, you would've been dead for good, Floyd can't handle the fact his shrimpy is lame now. Out of pure anger, he would let his feelings get the best of him.
Kalim
At first he wouldn't notice your change of behavior. But that spark in you is gone now, Kalim doesn't want broken things. You were fun to play with, because he usually got high off the power he held over you, his stress toy won't even give him a proper bark. I mean you do bark, just not with enough enthusiasm. Like a fussing child, Kalim would have you thrown out, until he starts to miss having you beside his feet....
Cater
Makes the saddest noise when he notices how little you react to his touches. Slaps your cheeks a couple of times to make sure. Dramatically mourns over your past self before rudely telling you how you weren’t gonna last long with him either way. It’s been a nice ride with you he says, leaving with a kiss on the forehead. It’s cruel but depressing, because on his end he’s up at night staring at the photos of your more lively self. He misses those terrified eyes..
Enjoys the new MC and somewhat stops:
Riddle
The fire within you finally died, no more to fuel to feed. Just burnt ashes laying pitifully on the floor, grimy and unusual. Riddle is relived, he had proved a point to himself. All of his hard work to make you into the perfect person, docile and understanding. Riddle now has no reason to push you, you're at your fullest degree. You do as told, and no one gets hurt, physically and emotionally. (he's just like his mom frfr)
Ace
At a sense of peace. Once Ace understands that you are no longer you but a fragment he's thrilled. His mean names slowly die down, much more softer and cheesy when talking to you. If you're still there, disgusted or not he'd lay his head on your shoulder and mumble to you how much of a coward he was to confess. But all went well, the paranoia of you rejecting him gone. I mean what else can a lifeless you do?
Deuce
Has no other reason to bully you. You’re doing things just as he wanted and he couldn’t be happier. Like Ace he was paranoid of your rejection. But you don’t stray away from his rough hands massaging your cheek, kisses that bruise your lips. It’s heaven for him, he wouldn’t trade it for anything else.
Malleus
He didn’t think you’d break so fast. Malleus barely lays a hand on you yet his words cut deep. Perhaps you finally learned your place, all that hard work and learning how to court a single-minded human like you payed off. You won’t have to face the wrath of his verbal abuse because he’s nothing but sweet to you. You look lovely no matter how bad it gets.
Ruggie
Ruggie didn’t go extreme measures to hurt you that bad. Maybe he got to you before the others could take advantage of your newfound persona. Like he always do, Ruggie takes care of things. By things he means you. Sure you’re practically not yourself anymore but it’s still you in some shape and form. His words won’t mean nothing to damage you, so now you’ll be taken under his care. Best person to be with in this situation.
Idia
Shitty attitude stopped so quick. Was leaning more to tossing you away but Idia gets attached quickly. He would never admit but you’re his favorite pastime everything, he can’t ditch you. So eventually all of his bullying stop because there is nothing to get a reaction from. Much more calmer and talkative around you. It’s nice knowing you aren’t actively judging him as he talks, no cover ups to be douche.
Jack
Once the numbers of people targeting you goes down does he step in. Jack is worried, genuinely. I think reader being emotionless snaps something inside of him, does he claim to protect you fully and run away from everyone else. His guilt that you turned out this way eats him, but he downs it out by telling himself you brought too much attention now he must clean the mess up.
Silver
There is a good case scenario if Malleus wasn’t so attached to you and Sebek left you alone!! Lilia can see how devastated Silver is once he finds out your condition. You’re almost lifeless, Lilia let’s Silver care for you because he finally found the guts to ask. Silver tends to your needs, all those years of standing from afar and watching you get hurt somewhat paid off. You’re dependent on him and he doesn’t wanna admit how good it feels.
Trey
Settles down like some retired man. He’s happy you found peace and stop causing trouble. You’ll be in his full care now, sure he’ll have his usual sadistic tendencies but it’s much more tame and softer. He doesn’t mind however if you come back to him all bruised and sore, he will feed and clothe you back to health. Over and over again. At least he stops his bullying behavior for a while.
726 notes · View notes
ghost-bxrd · 3 months ago
Note
i know irl tims im better than jason in every way attitude from his early runs was the authors way of telling people how much they hated jason without literally saying it, however
id like to see more of that characterization in fan works because ive gotten overwhelmed with how the only way i see tim written ever is hero worshipping jasons robin, self depreciating self sacrificing savant
id be interesting to see how ppl try to wrap themselves around a tim thats not their usual guy
I think part of the reason that there’s so little of that characterization going around is that few people resonate with it. Blaming a literal kid teen for getting himself killed by a madman just seems wrong, and having that come from a character that’s supposed to be the hero of the story? Yeeeeeah, questionable at best. But that’s the very early Tim depiction as far as I’m aware, and later on Tim’s character gained a lot more substance.
Tbh I’m an avid fan of the fanon hero worship of Jason’s Robin, but I can totally understand that’s not your thing.
Although! not having Tim idolize Jason doesn’t necessarily mean he actively has to trash talk him (sliding from one extreme to the next, so to speak ksksksks)! We can easily have a badass Tim Drake who takes no shit and is a formidable Robin (whom instills fear in the criminal populace of Gotham) who doesn’t use Jason as a cautionary tale every other sentence.
For example, Wayne Family Adventures handles Tim and Jason in a pretty unique way. They don’t get along too well, but they take out their animosity on each other with harmless pranks and jibes instead of victim blaming. Both give as good as they get, but at the end of the day they’d still take a bullet for each other. A good compromise between canon and fanon✨
But yeah, the early Tim Drake is certainly… something. Not my cup of tea tho >.<
46 notes · View notes
blessedwithabadomen · 10 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
in love with the mess - day one
summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?
content : fluff and flirting
length : 3.1k
tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken
a/n: I'm not home this week so I hope this posts correctly from my phone 😬 enjoy the chapter!!
•••
day one
If there was one thing to know about me it was that I was an absolute whore for a breakfast buffet. And the one at this hotel had both a waffle station and a chef to make you omelettes on demand so really, I couldn't be to blame. It was simply unfortunate that I was elbows deep in a plate of chocolate croissants I’d balanced on my table when Noah appeared.
For a singular moment I still had hope that he would not see me or even then, decide to ignore me and enjoy the quiet morning by himself, but after a quick detour to the coffee machine, he confidently took the seat across from me.
“You stuff everything in your mouth with that much vigour?”
Both of us froze in the middle of our movements. From the look in his eyes, I was pretty sure that he was not insinuating what we were both thinking now, the realisation of what his words could mean hitting him only after they’d already been spoken. I was trying so hard not to let my face twist into a grin, or full on laughter, and it was becoming increasingly difficult with every second of horror passing through his eyes.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
Finally realising that I was very much seeing the humour in his slip-up, he cracked a handsome smile, half-hidden by the hand that was rubbing his face as he groaned. I had half a mind to throw another remark at him, tease him about his faux pas a little further, but my eyes were trained on the back of his hand and the dark flower design inked into the skin.
Carefully reaching for him, I pulled the hand away from his face, lying it palm-down on the table between us between my plate of sweets and his coffee, just to study the tattoo further. Tracing every line on every patel, I committed the design to memory. It was gorgeous and it was perfect on him.
“You got any tattoos?” Noah tried very hard to sound normal, but I heard the huskiness in his voice, one that hadn’t been there before. I hoped it had to do with my touch. It was why I didn’t quite let go of him when I answered.
“A couple,” I mused. “Most of them hidden away though. Had some, quite ridiculous I can say now, ideas about wanting to have the option of a normal job that might not like to see me covered in ink. Although I’m pretty sure that ship’s sailed, so I’m definitely looking to get started on my arms soon.”
“Where’s the ones you have so far?”
He was probably expecting my legs, my shoulders, something easily shown with barely any clothes removal. Something I could let him see right now. He wasn’t entirely wrong. I did have a couple in those spots, too.
“I don’t think I can show you in a public place without becoming a menace.”
Noah’s hand visibly flinched underneath mine and he pulled back, immediately making me miss his warmth. He took a long sip of his coffee and I wondered if it was an attempt to buy some time.
“This was, um,” he coughed in between his words, “a great talk but you’re a fucking flirt and I need a bit more caffeine to deal with you.”
Disappointment flooded my veins as he got up from the table - had I been too much? Said the wrong thing? Come on too strongly? I knew I had vowed to take Lia’s advice at being a little more offensive and letting myself do whatever I was in the mood for, but that didn’t mean it was appreciated. Maybe I should back down. Keep more to myself after all. Not be so damn-
“Find me later?” He asked with a grin as he stopped next to my chair on the way out.
Well. Maybe I didn’t need to change much at all.
•••
I had forgotten how much running around was involved in a job like that. I wasn't complaining really, I did enjoy that it kept me on my toes, but I was thoroughly exhausted by the time I basically dropped Oli off for soundcheck. He'd had several appointments beforehand that I accompanied him to and even when he was busy, he still found time to think of fifteen different things he had forgotten in some place or other and needed immediately, making me cross the arena and the hotel several times more than necessary. He had way too much fun with it too.
Now I finally saw a chance to take a breather, so I grabbed a couple of things from catering (surprisingly good catering actually, Bring Me The Horizon had really moved up in the world it seemed) and went on a hunt for a quiet backstage room. I was fully planning on bunking up in one of Bring Me’s dressing rooms as they should all technically be empty now, but when I walked past a different door, half open, half closed, I couldnt help but stop as I looked inside. Noah was sitting on a couch - well, I said sitting, I really meant he was halfway to sliding down off it, his head collapsed onto the back ledge, eyes closed, looking ridiculously uncomfortable.
I didn’t mean to disturb him. In fact, I didn’t quite know what the plan was at all, but in one split decision, I walked into the room, quietly closing the door behind me and sitting down on the couch next to him. Balancing my stuff on the table, I scooped some of my (honestly deliciously smelling pasta) on a fork and carefully held it under Noah’s nose.
It was like watching a dog sleep that suddenly started dreaming of the very smell that surrounded him in real life. His nose was starting to twitch in the most adorable way, then his breathing changed a little. One by one, his body was waking up, not quite sure yet why, but pulled from his sleep anyway.
His eyes finally opened, a little at first, then more, slightly swollen from the nap had seemingly had taken him by force, as he tried to focus on where we was. Blinking, then blinking again, he finally set sight on the fork in front of him, brows furrowing as he pulled his head back to look at it better in utter confusion.
“What the-”
Noah finally sat up properly, only just now noticing me sitting next to him, amused beyond belief as I finally pushed the fork in my mouth. The pasta was a little cool already, but still surprisingly tasty. Good venues came with good catering apparently.
“Want one?” I asked, scoopin up some more pasta and holding it out to him. Still a little dazed, he simply opened his mouth and let me carefully feed him a portion.
“Didn’t you two meet, like, yesterday?” I looked up in surprise as someone entered the room. Folio, I think his name was, drummer for Bad Omens, currently looking at us with an questioning, but not unkind smile. “What’s with the married couple behaviour?”
“Very funny,” Noah commented, but there wasn’t the usual playfulness in his voice. I instinctively pulled back a little.
Both men exchanged looks I couldn’t quite interpret. I didn’t know either of them well enough to know what they were silently communicating, but I knew there was a conversation happening that I wasn’t part of. The intensity of it was felt in the whole room though. If I was the reason for it, I wanted to never be put in this position again. It even put me off the pasta I’d been shovelling in my mouth with vigour.
Then Folio turned away from him and toward me, once again showing his smile which seemed so out of place for a moment that I wondered if I had purely imagined the unease I had felt before.
“Oli’s looking for you, by the way. Apparently he left his phone in his dressing room.”
“I’d wondered why it was so quiet,” I mumbled with a look toward my own mobile. “Not sure why I thought I could escape him.”
Folio sent me a pitiful look, even though I was sure he knew as well as I did that I wasn’t really complaining. Getting up from the sofa, I cradled my pasta again, determined to finish it one way or another, putting my phone into the pocket of my jeans, when I felt a hand on me.
Noah’s fingers were wrapped around my wrist. He had sat up slightly just to reach me. I both wanted to lean into his touch and pull away, almost overwhelmed by the sensations running through my body with his fingers on my pulse point.
“Are you watching the set later?”
“Yeah, I… Oli said I could watch the show from the sound desk.”
“Good. I hope you enjoy it. I’d say I’ll look for you but I don’t think I can see that far.”
And then he sent me a smile that had my heart soaring and I was once again ready to throw all caution in the wind.
•••
“Are you sure this is okay?”
I carefully slid into a designated spot at the sound desk, giving everyone around me smiles that I hoped would convince them not to hate me for intruding into their workspace.
“Well if you touch anything, we’ll have to burn you at the stake… Other than that, welcome to the sound desk!” The woman next to me cheerfully explained. “Don’t worry, Oli vouched for you, so unless you’re extraordinarily clumsy and manage to undo all our work with the sweep of a hand over our stuff, you’re grand.”
“I’ll try my very best,” I promised. “And if I fuck anything up, take it from Oli’s wages please.”
“Oh, gladly!”
I watched as she went back to work, preparing for the upcoming Bad Omens set, and I couldn’t help but study her a little bit. If I hadn’t known from the AAA pass around her neck and, well, the fact that she seemed to know what she was doing and wasn’t in the process of getting kicked out, I couldn’t have told her from the fans that were starting to crowd around us in the venue.
She hadn’t overdone it by any measure and her face, as far as I could see, was blank of any make-up, but she had dressed the part with ease. Heavy boots accompanied her black shorts perfectly, making her look both tough and delicate somehow, her black top was wrapped in a corset, she was wearing a choker and several earrings. It just made sense. Looking down at myself, I was suddenly less thrilled with my hastily put-on choice of clothing from that morning. A simple pair of dark jeans, a non-descript shirt, no accessories whatsoever.
I didn’t know why I hadn’t made more of an effort. It wasn’t that I thought it was expected of me or necessary in any way, but looking at the sound tech reminded me of how much fun I usually had dressing up. In fact, half of my wardrobe at home was stuffed with elaborate pairs of trousers, laced tops, skater skirts, platform boots. Only I hadn’t really packed any of it.
Pulling out my phone, I shot a text to Lia.
Aubrey
Have I been hiding myself away lately
Lia
context pls
Aubrey
I can’t remember the last time I dressed up and it’s just hit me with everyone in this venue looking so fucking fab
For a moment, I wondered if she was already giving up on messaging me, but when I looked back at my phone, I realised that she was instead recording an audio message. Oh dear. Checking the time, I made sure I would manage to get a good listen before the lights dimmed and Bad Omen’s show began.
“Babe, since you’re finally realising it yourself now, yes, you’ve been letting yourself go. I didn’t want to push you too hard - well, I would have if you’d gotten really bad, you know that but then Oli called so that was off the table. But since… you know, you had that girlfriend and it was all fucked up and your family basically - well, let me just say I’m still available to beat any of them up. The ex and the family. You know that. But yeah. It’s taken a toll on you and you’ve not been yourself lately and it’s been painful to watch. Which is why I’ve been telling you to have some fucking fun on this tour. Put on that dress and that lipstick and get back to being yourself, yeah? And now enjoy the show and give Noah some air kisses from me, love you, bye!”
I felt dumbstruck. Had it really gotten that bad? Had everyone noticed but me? I knew I’d been struggling a bit since my last relationship drama and everything that followed (and technically preceeded) it, but… Lia’s words were ringing in my head. Maybe I had been letting myself go. It wasn’t worryingly bad, surely, but had I been my usual self? I thought I was seeing glimpses of it again now that I was on tour.
Quickly checking the schedule on my phone I realised that after today it was one more gig before a day off between Bournemouth and Birmingham. I shot Oli a message.
Aubrey
I don’t care what kinda disguise you need to go out but you need to take me clothes shopping in two days xoxo
Oli
I’ll get a fake moustache
•••
Bad Omens were a force to behold on stage. I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on Noah as much as the distance would allow me to, hanging onto his every word, studying his every movement. It was mesmerising. I’d never had the pleasure of seeing them live before but I already knew I’d make sure to catch them several more times on this tour. There was simply no way around it.
The break was spent chatting to the sound tech whose name I finally learned was Becky. It turned out she was extremely passionate when it came to talking about her craft and I was a willing listener. Nothing she said made a lot of sense so far as she threw all kinds of technical terms at me, but it was fascinating to hear her explain how much of a part she and her team really played in making this an experience, rather than just a live show.
She barely managed to stop talking by the time she was nudged by someone else on her team to notify her of the performance being about to start, which left her busy for the next one hundred minutes and me with too many thoughts and no one to voice them to. So I did the only sensible thing I could think of. I spam-texted Oli all of them for him to find after the show.
Aubrey
Opening with darkside is bold but I love a bold man
Aubrey
I love this setlist so much
I know you showed it to me yesterday but it doesn’t compare
Also the visuals wow
Aubrey
You look very good in red btw and so does your ass
Aubrey
Cause you got a taste noooow drank the kool-aid by the juuuuug
Oh dear I hope everyone’s ok
I’m glad you’re stopping shows liberally these days to make sure
Aubrey
I said it before and I’ll say it again, strangers into diamonds is fucking insane and I don’t know who allowed you to do that
Aubrey
Antiviiiiiiist!! Tell Noah he looks good in that mask
Aubrey
Also why were you getting a headrush after that song hmmm was it performing with Noah do you love him I’d get a headrush to if I screamed with him like that and got to give him two hugs
Aubrey
Yeah the doomed montage is making me cry, fuck you
Aubrey
I hope you have fun whenever you find these messages
I promise I wasn’t drunk when I wrote them just high on live music heyyyy
•••
Walking backstage, I immediately ran into the band leaving the stage. Lee held out his hand for a high five, massive smiles all around from a successful start to the tour, and I wasn’t one to leave him hanging. It ended with everyone who came up behind him following suit on the high fives, until Oli appeared at last, who instead grabbed onto my hand and clumsily twirled me around myself. I was still stumbling over my feet, uncoordinated feet unable to keep up with the sudden movement, when he pulled me into his chest for a hug.
Oli was made of pure adrenaline. I could basically smell it radiating off him. There was laughter in my ear, exhilaration from the first show having gone well, his hands pushing against my back so tightly I had no choice but to melt into him. Any attempt at not touching his bare skin were futile as my fingers slipped under his cropped jacket. He was hot and sweaty, but I didn’t mind one bit. If anything, it awakened something more primal in me. Something that begged to claw at his skin, push him against the nearest wall, have a taste of the droplets running down his chest. I was almost glad when he let me go for fear of what my hands would do if he didn’t.
“I sent you a couple of messages during the set by the way. You can read them as a slightly unhinged bedtime story,” I explained as he nudged me to get a move on toward the dressing rooms.
“Oh I bet those will put me right to sleep,” he laughed.
“Did you actually say that you had a headrush on stage after performing with Noah?”
“Fuck, yeah, my head was fucking spinning, thought I was gonna faint.”
“Was it so stimulating be around him?” I teased, moving to tickle his side, but he quickly dodged me and fell onto the sofa alone. “Does he make your heart race?”
Oli eyed me for a moment, pushing his hair back. I tried my best to ignore how good it looked on him.
“See, you talk about him so much, I can’t tell if you wanna hook up with him or if you want to set me up with him.”
I genuinely didn’t know how to answer that. I didn’t think I quite knew it myself.
117 notes · View notes
heyclickadee · 2 months ago
Text
So. Here's another long Tech Lives, post, or at least the first half of it, anyway. I'm finding myself sort of over-explaining everything and the post was getting a little unwieldy, so I decided to split it in two. So, here's the first half of a "list" of things The Bad Batch left unresolved and which are also, coincidentally, connected to Tech in one way or another.
First, actually, before I get into the list I want to clarify what I mean by "resolution." Resolution doesn't just happen if something ends or stops. It's not automatic. Resolution is more about the resolution of tension in a subplot or a story. Tragic endings can have resolution. Happy endings can have resolution. Resolution just means the tension has been dispelled; that's all.
And second, I feel like I have to clarify this, but I'm not arguing that a Tech return was planned and cut at the last minute; I'm arguing that a Tech return was planned and either moved later or was always going to happen later than we expected. (I also think Tech is just to popular to stay dead even if that was the plan, but I'm still banking on this being a rare planned character return rather than a retcon.) All of my Tech Lives posts do honestly double as arguments for why it would be one of the worst handled character deaths if it were to turn out he's never coming back, but, that said, I am still arguing that the character's alive.
Third, in this post I'm talking about characters mostly as tools used to tell a story. So, when I argue that there would need to be some on-screen processing for Tech if he were dead because he's a main character, I'm not dismissing clones like Nova or suggesting that Tech is more important in the fictional universe we're looking at. I'm saying that he's a tool that's far more heavily used in the telling of this particular story, and therefore would need more dealing with than a more minor character.
With that said, here's the first six entries in the list. (The next post should be shorter even though there's, like, twelve more entries. I'm sorry.)
1. Crosshair’s reconciliation with the batch.
So, this is about 95% of the way there, since his relationships with Hunter, Wrecker, and Echo have been repaired and his relationship with Omega has been developed, but his relationship with Tech remains broken. The last time they spoke to each other things were tense, we know for a fact that Tech struggled with Crosshair choosing the Empire after the destruction of Kamino, and now Crosshair’s walking around knowing that Tech sacrificed himself during a mission to save him. Here’s the thing, though—Crosshair’s and Tech’s relationship could have easily been resolved without Tech coming back by the end of the series. All it would have taken was a single conversation—something as simple as:
Omega: Tech wouldn’t have blamed you. He thought it was worth it to try to find you. I did, too. That’s why I couldn’t leave you, Crosshair.
Crosshair: What if both of you were wrong?
Omega: I know I wasn’t. And Tech seldom was.
Now, I would prefer more, but that would be all that was needed for resolution of this thread if Tech was meant to be dead. You don’t need Tech alive to resolve it. Explore the idea that Crosshair is not going to get the chance to reconcile with Tech the way he got a chance to reconcile with the others, that he’s never going to see Tech again, and that they left off on bad terms. Make Crosshair come to terms with that and make that the resolution. Except…the show doesn’t even attempt to do that. It allows Crosshair to repair his relationships with the others while leaving his relationship with Tech almost completely untouched, and so we have the narrative thread of Crosshair’s reconciliation with the batch left incomplete because there’s one batcher with whom he hasn’t reconciled even though he could have without Tech there.
2. Crosshair’s guilt (and Crosshair generally):
So, Crosshair’s carrying around a lot of self-loathing for choices he did and choices he did not (but may not understand he did not) make for most of the show—I actually think his decision to stay with the Empire was made partly because giving the order to kill those civilians while still fully chipped really messed him up—but in season three we get another level of how he feels about what he’s done. He doesn’t just feel sort of vaguely bad about it or like no one will take him; at the end of “Confined” he tells Omega that she should leave him in Tantiss because he deserves to be there. And then in “The Cavalry Has Arrived,” he calls plan 99 and tries to convince the others to let him take the risk of going into Tantiss alone because it’s dangerous, and he uniquely deserves whatever might happen to him in there.
Crosshair grows a great deal over the course of the series and the season, and we do actually see an arc of him beginning to heal (he's repaired his relationships with the rest of his family and "The Return" allowed some processing for Mayday's death and the horrors of "The Outpost"), but this line reveals that this is one area where he’s still stuck. He goes from passively to actively suicidal and makes it clear that he still believes he deserves every bad thing that’s ever and will ever happened to him. And this is the last thing he says about himself; he never takes it back or gets past this.
This leaves his otherwise magnificent character arc just slightly undercooked. He hasn’t reconciled with himself yet. He hasn’t quite learned to live with his choices because he’s still trying to die over them. And the thing is, the other thing that line does besides establish that Crosshair has made no progress towards thinking that maybe he doesn’t deserve to die? It connects his guilt with Tech. “Clone Force 99 died with Tech! We’re not that squad anymore!” a line I discussed in my last Tech Lives post, is the preamble to Crosshair declaring he needs to go in alone. It basically reads like, “Tech’s gone, we can’t be who we were without him, and it’s my fault he’s gone so it’s my fault we’re broken, and I’m going to go get myself killed over it.”*
What happened to Tech isn’t Crosshair’s fault, of course, but even just going off of the parts of the story we know happened for sure, it’s easy to see how Crosshair could come to the conclusion that Tech falling is the unintentional consequence of his choice to stay with the more at the end of season one. After all, if he hadn’t, he wouldn’t have eventually needed saving from Tantiss and Tech wouldn’t have been on Eriadu looking for information about him in the first place**. If he’s feeling guilty over Tech, it would make some of his actions earlier in the season make more sense; insisting Omega should leave him, not bringing Tech up at all in his argument with Hunter (because I adore Crosshair but he is not a man who holds himself back from crossing lines like that when he’s trying to get under someone’s skin; if he didn’t needle Hunter about what happened to Tech it’s because he feels responsible for it), and so on.
And, again, Crosshair’s lingering sense of guilt could have been resolved. You don’t need Tech to come back to deal with it, not if he’s supposed to be dead. All you need is a single conversation, maybe a single line that could resolve both this and then issue of Crosshair reconciling with the entire batch. But the show didn’t do that. What it does instead is establish that Crosshair is still so wracked with guilt that he feels like he deserves to die and that his guilt is directly connected to Tech in the very last episode of the show and then left it there with no pushback. That didn’t need to happen! Crosshair’s guilt didn’t need to be tied to Tech. They could have had the hug (God I love the hug) and had that lead into Crosshair realizing that he wants to live for the family he still has in the next scene. All you need is a line! His guilt would have been resolved!
But Crosshair doesn’t get lines after Tantiss. We don’t even see Crosshair in the epilogue. He seems to be living on Pabu, sure, but—is he okay? Does he still thinks he deserves death and worse? We get no indication that he is or even that he's going to be. Are we sure he’s not a non-functioning alcoholic? We actually kind of need to see that he’s okay in order for it to feel like all the suffering he and the others went through (and Tech’s sacrifice) was worth it.
It’s not like Crosshair was a throwaway character, either. I kind of always got the impression that he’s something of a writer favorite—he’s the one who gets the big, meaty character arc. So the only reason I can think that the show didn’t deal with that lingering guilt or Crosshair’s reconciliation with himself is because it’s being dealt with later; and if we’re dealing with that later, and if it’s connected to Tech, then maybe we’re dealing with Tech later, too. (In fact maybe we’re dealing with Crosshair’s guilt later because Tech’s coming back later because, again, it would have been very easy to deal with in a sentence or two if Tech was supposed to be dead.)
*Sidebar: Wrecker’s rebuttal, if you can call it that, reads more like, “Hey, don’t get yourself killed over this alone. Let’s go get ourselves killed together,” than anything, in part because that’s sort of what they proceed to do. They go in, get their asses handed to them, almost die, and it’s only thanks to Echo, Omega, and the clone prisoners that they don’t end up dead or brainwashed.
**And it’s possible there’s something about the situation that Crosshair knows that we don’t. We never do find out why Crosshair’s stress tremor manifests the way it does. BUT WE AREN'T ACTUALLY SHOWN THAT FOR SURE.
3. Hunter’s other character arc:
So, I know this can be a bit of a touchy subject, because I know Hunter’s a weirdly divisive character, but I love Hunter. Hunter is great. He’s also, like all the boys, flawed and a little complicated—and he’s got two intertwined but still separate character arcs.
One, of course, and the main one of the two, is his arc with Omega; learning how to me more of a parent and brother towards a child and achieving the goal of being able to give her the childhood he knows she needs without the threat of her Kaminoan-designed purpose hanging over her. This arc is resolved beautifully, including Hunter being able to step back and trust Omega to direct her own life, and he achieves that goal of being able to give Omega that childhood. Hunter, uniquely of all the bad batchers, has found his new purpose in taking care of Omega.
His other arc, however, was an arc exploring Hunter’s role as a leader and what that means in the post-war period. This is an arc that has actually been set up remarkably well; we see Hunter struggling in his strange new circumstances, agonizing over what decisions to make and whether to make any at all, trying to balance being the CO of a team with no mission with still being responsible for the safety of his squad as a whole with allowing his squadmates their agency with also suddenly being responsible for a child who can’t take care of herself (at least not initially) and who therefore has to be priority. It’s a difficult balancing act, and not one that he always gets right, or even can get right given the impossible circumstances in which he’s placed. It’s something he struggles with so much, in fact, that he actually loses every single member of his squad, Omega included, at one point or another, either through freak circumstances over which he has no control, choices they make, or, in some cases, both. Losing Tech is just the most extreme example. But because losing Tech is the most extreme example, this secondary arc of Hunter’s is something that ends up tied directly to Tech.
It’s all there, and it’s something of which I think the show is very aware, but I think because it is a separate issue from that one subplot that was resolved (Omega), it’s not something that’s been resolved or unpacked yet. And the thing is, even with the whole losing Tech thing being at least moderately connected to it (less than losing Crosshair was, but definitely still connected), this is an arc of Hunter’s that could have been resolved in a single conversation even without Tech there. For an example that wouldn’t change the plot and wouldn’t add any screen time, shift Hunter and Crosshair’s argument in “The Return” away from losing Omega (the traumatic event at the end of season two that actually fuels all the conflict in season three) to losing Tech, and then have Hunter’s part of the conversation he and Crosshair have at the end of that episode after they start to reconcile be a little more open and explicit about what mistakes (losing Crosshair, losing Tech, losing Omega, etc) he feels his made. There you go. Again, you could do more, and probably should, but that’s all you would need to resolve it if you were forced to keep it to the bare minimum. But the story didn’t even do that.
Which…is not necessarily a bad thing as long as it’s an arc that’s going to continue moving forward.
4. Wrecker’s fear or heights:
So, Wrecker is sort of the one character who I feel like got the short end of the stick when it came to getting development—at least, so far. Most of his development in the show was frontloaded into the front half of season one; since then, he’s kind of been coasting along, still having development, but it being fairly incremental and in the background.
Which—something I’ve actually realized as I’m typing this is that the thing this story has done with the development of every single one of the adult batchers has been to take their development to a certain point that allows each of their relationships with Omega to be brought to (or almost to) it’s peak for the purposes of being able to complete Omega’s character arc, while also introducing and developing elements that are particular to the part of their arcs that aren’t connected to her, and then puts their development on the back burner to potentially be picked up later. It continues to remind us of the elements of their arcs disconnected from Omega (so we don’t forget that was happening) without pushing them much further or resolving them, and either puts them in a little more of a supportive role (Wrecker, I would argue Crosshair in the last ten minutes of the finale), or largely or completely removing them from the action (Echo and Tech). Hunter and Crosshair are the two whose arcs are most intrinsically tied with Omega’s, though Hunter's main arc is tied at the hip to hers, which is why he's the one who show's up in the epilogue; it's the culmination of her relationship with Hunter. Tech’s and Echo’s arcs are the least connected to Omega's arc directly, and Wrecker is in a middle ground.
ANYWAY, the thing about Wrecker is that most of the development he’s gotten happened in the front half of season one, and it centered largely around Omega; since then he’s developed a little—he comes across a touch more serious and tired in season three, for example, but what we’ve gotten for the most part (outside of fixing his relationship with Crosshair) have been reminders of possible points of conflict and/or development.
Little things, like periodically reminding us that he’s remarkably intelligent and great with demolitions and ordinance…without ever allowing that skill to play into the plot. Pointing out that he is still impulsive in a way that be helpful but can get him hurt…without giving him a chance to grow around that besides being a little more somber. Or reminding us that he’s afraid of heights…without ever allowing him to confront that fear. These are all things of which we’re reminded in the second half of the season, some in the last episode or two, they’re established and re-established, but they never really go anywhere.
The fear of heights is relatively minor. It’s not something he has to confront or which has to be resolved, but it’s something that’s definitely THERE (and which might be the closest thing to an inner conflict he’s got) and, well, I’d like to see Wrecker get the chance to confront it. Maybe he never gets over it, but he gets a better handle on it, or better tools to deal with it. But, the thing is, because of the way Tech supposedly “died,” because of when, where, and the way in which Wrecker was involved, Wrecker’s fear of heights can’t really be dealt with at all without also allowing him to deal with what happened to Tech on screen.
Once more, it’s not something that requires Tech coming back to be dealt with. In fact, you could make dealing with Wrecker’s fear of heights part of him processing that Tech’s gone. Explore the idea that he lost a brother to something that would be his personal nightmare scenario; give him a scenario where he maybe needs to go out over a cliff to help someone, his phobia is actually much worse now because of the whole Tech situation, he pushes through it anyway and in so doing both confronts his fear and begins to process grief.* One sequence, maybe two or three minutes long. It even gets close to doing this at points, because it keeps putting Wrecker in situations where he’s up high. Take one of those situations and push it a little further! There’s room. It’s not like the third season was trying to go anywhere fast. The last half especially is stalling for time. But that didn’t happen. Wrecker’s fear of heights remains basically where it always was.
*Not gonna lie, “Tech knew the risks,” does not strike me as something that someone who’s actually dealt with their grief would say. It sounds like something someone who’s been trying to not deal with it would say. He’s just trying to get Crosshair to not go get himself killed alone.
5. Tech:
Yeah, I know this one is obvious, but Tech isn’t resolved. And not because he didn’t come back.
One point on the handling of the aftermath of Tech’s sacrifice that I think has caused some contention in the fandom has been the discussion of the in-show processing, or lack thereof, of what happened to Tech. Part of the reason for the contention, I think, is that people are often talking past each other and not talking about the same thing when we try to discuss it.
Fandom focuses most heavily on character and character development—which is great! It’s fun!—and most often tuned to looking at fiction from an exclusively in-universe perspective. So when someone will criticize the handling of the aftermath of Tech’s sacrifice by saying it isn’t processed, I think there ends up being a misunderstanding, and people can sometimes take that as someone saying that the other characters aren’t sad that Tech is gone. Which is absurd—of course they are. We see the batchers after he falls, they’re gutted, that grief is raw. Of course they’re upset. It also isn’t what most people who say there was no processing are talking about at all.
You see, on-screen processing is not about the characters being sad. Not really. It’s about solidifying the loss, allowing the characters to move on, and, by proxy, allowing to audience to internalize the loss and move on as well.
For good examples of what on-screen processing for a character death looks like, see "Jedi Night," for how it treats the lead up to Kanan's death and "Dume," "Wolves in a Door," and, "A World Between Worlds," for how it treats the aftermath. Kanan has a little moment of goodbye with every single member of the ghost crew leading up to his death, and while it's true that in-universe this is because Kanan knows full well that he's about to die, those goodbyes are there for the audience too.
Then in the aftermath, we get each character working through their grief in different ways and each coming to a place where they're able to find consolation what he was able to accomplish and that he didn't die in vain (Sabine and Zeb discovering that Kanan took out Thrawn's tie defender project in the moment of his death), that he will always be a part of their family and a part of them (Hera talking things out with Chopper and adding Kanan to her kalikori), and in the guidance he was able to give (Ezra being directed by Dume and learning to accept Kanan's sacrifice in the world between worlds).
Through this on-screen processing the audience, for whom the processing is really meant is offered justification for why Kanan's death will be the new status quo going forwards, an invitation to let the character go, and, hopefully, consolation right alongside the characters. On-screen processing is sort of like…grieving by proxy. And, if you kill off a main character, it's something you absolutely have to do. Otherwise you are never going to get audiences that are predisposed to dislike main character deaths anyway to accept what's happened or even think the character is dead for real. (Basically, there's a REASON people in the audience are having such a hard time with this.)
Kanan, rather than, say, Hardcase, is actually a good character against which to measure what on-screen processing does and does not happen for Tech. He, like Tech, is one of six main characters, features in every episode before his exit, and develops a personal relationship with the POV protagonist. Because they are characters who occupy similarly important places in the stories that are being told with them, and if they are both supposed to be dead, you would expect the lead up to and processing in the aftermath of their exits to be comparable on at least some level.
They are not.
This is an understatement.
Because there isn't really any on screen processing for Tech's sacrifice. What we do get is some raw grief from our characters; Echo looking at the empty pilot's seat, Wrecker being too torn up to even get drunk, Hunter keeping it together because he's the leader and he has to, and Omega pointedly refusing to accept the idea that Tech is gone for good.* This lasts for less than three minutes (I timed it) before we slide right in to the next plot point.
Aaaaand that's where we leave that grief. It's not that the characters stop being sad. They don't. It's that the story freezes their grief in that raw place and doesn't allow it to develop into anything less painful which, in turn, also freezes the audience's reactions to Tech's sacrifice in that same very emotional place. We aren't given the opportunity to do that by-proxy dealing with it that on-screen processing provides.
We are not invited to let go of the character--in fact, Omega's outburst invites us to hang on and reject the idea--and any narrative meaning the sacrifice would have had is immediately undermined by everyone being badly injured and Omega getting taken before they can all get to safety anyway. Instead of clarity we get introduction of the broken goggles by Hemlock--the established untrustworthy villain and sadist who has a vested interest in getting Hunter to roll over and do what he wants--in a moment that simultaneously twists the knife and throws what even happened to Tech into question**. So, when it comes to Tech, we leave season two shocked, grieved, and confused.
Then, as we move into season three, we not only don't see any on-screen processing or…anything designed to make the audience accept the situation, we actually get the opposite. Tech's sacrifice is never actually talked about in the third season as a sacrifice, something that they're trying to honor, or something that bought the others the time and peace they're living with. In fact, it's never talked about at all. Not even in places where it would make sense to talk about it.
Yet the story doesn't completely drop (I know) Tech, either. He actually comes up either by name or by via pointed visual reference about once an episode, but never in a way that even tries to make the audience okay with the situation.
What it does instead is, well, poke at the wound. It's like the show is going, "Hey look, there's Tech falling again in the recap. There's his broken goggles sitting next to Hunter. Sure is sad, right? Tech taught Omega the plan numbers. Look at that empty seat in the cockpit next to Omega. Tragic. No one on this team knows how to decrypt anything but Tech. In fact, no one on this team knows about ANYTHING apart from Tech. Look at the empty space they're leaving between them when they stand! Sure sucks that Tech's not here! Hey, look at this mysterious Tech-shaped Tech-speaking individual in a mask! Here's Tech's girlfriend. Sure doesn't seem like she's over him, and look at how perfect they are for each other! Don't you want to see them together? Clone Force 99 is broken because they don't have Tech. Damn. Here's another couple shots of those broken goggles that we never made into anything besides an agony momento. Tech's not here and that's terrible. Have you thought about Tech today? Now you have. There is no comfort. There is only pain."
That's. Not. Normal. That's not even what a badly handled character death looks like, and it's not resolving the character, either. It's, again, doing the exact opposite.
Far from closing the box, the cumulative effect of these moments is to refuse to let the Tech box close and draw out the tension between what the audience largely wants to see (ie, Tech handled, one way or another but mostly alive judging by the sustained reaction of, "PUT HIM BACK RIGHT NOW!") and what is happening (no Tech). And the end result of making the choice to bring up Tech only in ways that highlight his absence (and how difficult that makes life for everyone) and/or poke at the wound of losing him in the first place without every having a moment of on screen processing or encountering any death tropes is to just make most of the audience unhappy with the Tech situation.
Now, one possible explanation is that the writers simply don't know how to write processing, but the way other major losses in the series are handled actually suggests the opposite.
When Echo leaves, we're given an episode for both the characters and the audience to process this drastic change in the status quo. Mayday was a single episode character who largely existed to push Crosshair's development, but we still got that quiet, intimate moment of processing in "The Return," an episode which largely exists to allow Crosshair to heal from his horrific experience on Barton IV.
And as for what a longer processing arc from this creative team looks like, well--there's the processing we get for the destruction of Kamino, which stretches all the way from "Kamino Lost," aka Kamino's funeral, to "Pabu."** And I feel like it goes without saying that the creative team knows how to kill a character on screen, since that's what they do with literally every named character besides Tech.
So, processing and clear confirmation is something they know how to do but chose not to for Tech, and Tech specifically.
Highlighting this even more is that the story doesn't seem to be unaware of what usually happens when a character dies or even common tropes that you would encounter or even write more or less by default in the wake of a character's death. It actually keeps presenting us with situations where it would be natural to tie Tech's plot-threads up and invite the audience to let the character go. The current last conversation between Tech and Phee, Omega talking with Crosshair in his cell in Tantiss, the fight between Crosshair and Hunter in "The Return," the meditation lessons in, "Bad Territory," even (I would argue), the archium scenes in both "Point of No Return," and, "Juggernaut" (I will be explaining what I mean about the archium scene in "Point of No Return" in another post; short version is that the scene is all about Omega not wanting to leave Pabu, not about Tech at all), and more are all scenes where both processing and real confirmation of what even happened to Tech could have gone without even changing the plot or adding any runtime. But it never happens in any of the scenes where it could; instead, the show sidesteps it every. Single. Time. Either by playing against the trope and refusing to let resolution happen or just avoiding the subject and placing the emphasis on something else.
And--okay. I have to give @eriexplosion credit for this idea, because it wasn't mine, but let's say that they were planning on having Tech come back and had to cut it last minute. You could actually still resolve Tech (badly, but it would still be there) with one line at the very end of the show. Instead of, "She'll be all right," be the last line of the show and the last thing Hunter says, have him say, "You would've been proud of her, Tech." Or, have Hunter say, "Tech would have been so proud of you," directly to Omega before she leaves. This would make Hunter never saying Tech's name or ever bringing him up in the season more of a gut punch, clarify that he didn't come back in the gap before the epilogue (there's currently nothing keeping this from happening), and would retroactively tie Omega's season three motivation to Tech's sacrifice. "Tech would have been so proud of you," is a no-brainer line I think someone would write without even trying to resolve something, it's RIGHT THERE. But the show sidesteps that opportunity too.
Basically, Tech remains unresolved, and not, I'm hoping, because it's just done badly in a unique way I've never seen before. It's more active than that. The show makes a balancing act out of never allowing the audience to forget about him or his absence, but it simultaneously avoids every single opportunity to actually deal with it like a gymnast tumbling through a laser maze. It's actually impressive--IF Tech is alive, coming back, and the story is just treating him like he's MIA until he does so.
If he's not then this is all baffling.
*This is an important point. Like it or not, The Bad Batch is a kid's show. A show written for older kids, sure, but still kids, and Omega is the POV protagonist, which means her emotional truth is one we should be paying attention to. You can go the entire of the rest of the, show including into the epilogue, without knowing if Omega thinks Tech is really dead or not. She says she lost Tech shortly after this scene, and can't lose the others too, but the context of "lose" in that sentence is the others being captured, she said the same thing about the very alive Echo when he left. She may well think Tech is alive. She could have been leaving a message on his goggles when she left them in the Archium. It's that vague. Yelling that Tech isn't gone and needs their help is the most explicit thing she says on the whole matter, and I do think that emphasis is important.
**Even if we take Hemlock at his word, something I see no reason to do, there's a reason why EZRA was the one to confirm Kanan's death to Zeb and not, say, Rukh, there's enough wiggle room in what he says for Tech to be alive and for Hemlock to have found the goggles and nothing else. Even if he found them on a body, remember that there are at least three dead stormtroomers who fall with Tech, and that Tech, who's established as capable of powering through some severe injuries, could have put enough of his armor on one of those before crawling away and finding a ditch to hide in. There is literally nothing saying this man is dead.
***I sort of feel like this is something no one (myself included) ever talks about, because the processing is largely done via Omega, and Omega is something of an afterthought in the fandom. Which makes sense, we're all more focused on the adult characters because we're mostly adults here, but Omega is actually the protagonist, has a great character arc, and the handling of the loss of Kamino and its aftermath through the eyes of a child is really well done. A lot of Omega's actions in season two are explicitly motiviated by that loss, and you can track how she feels about it over the course of the season. This is in stark contrast to the Tech situation and, no, I don't think they cared more about Kamino than Tech, or about Omega's relationship with Kamino more than her relationship with Tech
6. Tech's and Phee's relationship:
Nope, this isn't resolved either. Resolution of a relationship doesn't happen just because one of the people in the relationship falls off a cliff; you actually have to put a bit of work into it. And, once again, this is something that could have been resolved in a couple of lines, and in a couple different ways.
Option one would have been to resolve it before Tech even falls.
Do it with the conversation they have in "The Summit." Have it be a conversation where they both get on the same page and definitively decide that, yes, this is something they both want and are going to pursue once Tech gets back. Explore the fact that Tech doesn't get back and Phee is left with that. They've both made a decision and the resolution ends up being in the tragedy that they had both decided to be together, but fate decided it wasn't to be.
Alternatively, have that conversation be one in which they decide a romantic relationship isn't going to be something they pursue. I ship these two hard, but resolution could also be had in a version of that most current last conversation where they talk out wanting to be friends or not wanting the same thing out of the relationship, because that would still resolve the tension between them.
The conversation we actually got in canon, though, not only doesn't resolve the general will-they-won't they tension around Tech and Phee--it actually hightens it. It's an at-times sweet but fumbling, tense, non-conversation where they both end up pushing each other's buttons and talking (or not-talking) around one another in a way that draws attention to the fact that they are close and probably at the point where they need to talk about what's going on between them but completely fail to to so because neither of them are in a good headspace for it. And, because it's such a non-conversation (and because we end the scene with that long shot Tech watching Phee leave like he's mulling something over or there's something he wants to say but doesn't), we leave the will-they-won't-they tension hanging. Up in the air. Much like Tech*.
Even keeping the "The Summit" conversation as is, however, the TechPhee tension could still be resolved at some point afterwards without needing to bring Tech back or have him alive. Resolve the relationship via Phee being shown dealing with this relationship she almost had but which never fully blossomed. Show her coming to terms with not really knowing what would or wouldn't have happened. Hell, tie it to an arc about Omega coming to terms with Tech not coming back. Imagine a version of the archium scene in "Point of No Return" with Phee also there, and the conversation centering around the archium being somewhere Tech would like to be and/or letting Tech go. Done. You wrap Tech, Phee's relationship with Tech, and Omega's relationship with Tech up in one go without adding any screen time.
Best version of resolution here if Tech was actually supposed to be dead? Wrap the relationship up in the conversation in "The Summit," and wrap Phee's feelings up alongside a processing arc that happens with everyone else.
But, of course, that's not what happened. The conversation in "The Summit" was the purposefully awkward non-conversation we've already discussed, and we never see Phee dealing with the fallout of Tech's sacrifice in season three.
Part of that is because Phee has…very little screentime (*aaaauugghhh*) in season three, but the interesting thing is that Phee never shows up in season three without reminding us of that relationship she had with Tech. She brings him up in "Bad Territory" for no real reason, the one incredibly tense scene she has in "Point of No Return" has her almost running into the mysterious Tech-shaped masked guy, and then.
In "Juggernaut"
She shows up for a sequence that is wholly unnecessary for the plot--there were ways for the batch to get off Pabu, including having Echo show up instead since Echo has a ship and Phee drops the boys off with him in the very next episode--but does go out of its way to: one, establish that Tech and Phee were even closer than we thought and they were having conversations about Crosshair, a thorny issue we know Tech was having trouble with; two, that Phee is not even slightly over Tech and still talking about him like he's going to walk in a door at any second; and three, that Tech and Phee are perfectly matched in ingenuity, daring, piloting skill, and their ability to annoy the hell out of Hunter.
It's. It's not closing the box on these two! It's an escalation, it's ripping the box open and parading the open box around. Phee is criminally underutilized in season three and instead of using her under ten minutes (if we're generous) of screen time to wrap up a tragic relationship that wasn't to be, the writers choose to develop the relationship further without even having Tech show up and make the audience want to see them together even more. Look at her ship! It's painted orange and blue, just like Tech's jeans and armor! Look at her fly! They're perfect for each other! Don't you wish Tech were here right now to see this? It's terrible Tech isn't here right now! Isn't it?
It's LUDICROUS if the show is doing that and he's supposed to be dead. Just woeful mishandling all around.
If he's supposed to be alive, though, it makes sense not to resolve it. You actually want the audience to be reminded of that relationship, and you don't want to give any inkling of closing it out. You want to foster that tension in the audience and make them look forward to it being resolved. (Even if the resolution is happening elsewhere and highlighting the tension is kind of backfiring at the moment by making people more depressed about it. That's a whole other conversation.)
*I am. Aware. There is discourse around this scene. I'm not interested. My view? Phee was justified in being a little upset that a friend she cares about (and is more than kinda in love with) was walking out without saying goodbye. Tech knew it was going to be a dangerous mission and was justified in being way too overwhelmed to actually have the conversation Phee clearly wanted to have. Tech is an at least six foot tall highly trained combat vet who does not mask and is NOT shy about saying what he thinks; he saw Phee coming and waited for her instead of running into the ship and probably would have told her to get lost if he didn't want to spend time with her. Phee has been mildly flirting with Tech over a period of at least several months, she's not forcing him into anything. People trip over themselves while trying to communicate sometimes. It's not the end of the world. I'm so over the discourse around this scene.
**I'll get into this more on my next Tech Lives post, but The Bad Batch does have this delightful tendency to literalize its metaphors, so I'm not sure that's an accident.
That's it for part one of this post. Hopefully I'll get part two, where I talk about things like. "We don't leave our own behind," and the Omega hug thread up sometime in the next few days.
36 notes · View notes
bicheetopuff · 24 days ago
Note
Hi...if you don't mind, can I ask something from BNHA? What do you think are Midoriya and Bakugou’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Since what moment that you start shipping them? What are your fav (canon) BKDK moments? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....
I have waited two and a half years for someone to ask me this question. I’ll just go in order:
What do you think are Midoriya and Bakugou’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why?
I’ll start with their strengths.
I think Izuku’s greatest strength is his tenacity. He tried his hardest to achieve his dream despite everyone telling him he couldn’t and he never gave up. That seems like a childish thing to admire, but I feel like reading him doing everything with everything he has, mad me a more determined person.
His other strength that I admire a lot, is his ability to forgive so easily. He tries to see the good in everyone no matter what they’ve done and I think that’s a really admiral trait to have. Being forgiving is good for the soul, and it’s definitely a trait I do not possess.
As far as Katsuki’s strengths go, I think he’s just as tenacious as Izuku. He’s determined to be the undisputed victor in everything he does and he succeeds nearly every time. He fights really hard a for what he wants like he needs it to survive.
Also, he was able to hold himself accountable for the way he treated Izuku. It’s really hard for most adults to admit when they’re wrong and apologize sincerely for it without somehow shifting blame somewhere, and this prideful teenage boy was able to full admit that he was wrong and begin to openly do right by the guy he wronged in front of his entire class. Not only did he apologize, he went beyond what would normally be expected and legitimately wanted to lift Izuku up and push him to be a better hero. He didn’t just do it cuz he felt bad, he did it cuz he sincerely wanted the best for him.
Now, their weaknesses to me, parallel with their greatest strengths, so they can’t really exist without the other.
Izuku’s kindness paired with his unwavering determination causes him to do whatever it takes to help someone. Even if it means nearly killing himself. A kid could drop their ball in the street, and he’d throw himself in front a truck in order to get the ball back. I think his greatest weakness is how little self worth he has. He already doesn’t feel very deserving of what he has, considering it all a blessing instead of him working his ass off for it all. He feels like his life is less valuable than others, only seeing himself as nothing but a vessel for One for All instead of One for All choosing him because of the hero that he already was.
And then Katsuki’s biggest weakness is obviously his pride but also, I think it’s also Izuku… I’m not just saying this cuz I ship them though, I feel like he’s legitimately stunted when Izuku’s not around. Like Izuku is willing to do anything for other people, even if it means dying, Katsuki is the same way, but for Izuku. He literally described Izuku almost being stabbed as being “on the brink of death.” And then he started crying like his whole world was falling apart when he found out Izuku was quirkless again. Just like Izuku needed to learn to win with a smile, Katsuki needed to learn to save with a smile, and he’s not able to do that without Izuku there, which i believe is why he wasn’t doing good in the hero ranks. He can do a good job, but public opinion is still important and if he has a bad attitude cuz he’s cranky without Izuku competing with him, then it’s obvious why he wouldn’t do too well.
Katsuki is also a major weakness for Izuku, being the reason AFO targeted him in the first place. Izuku loses all reasoning when something happens to Katsuki or if he’s in danger, and his self preservation goes from none to negative, the only reason he’s being somewhat careful is to make sure Katsuki turns out okay. But then when Katsuki was revived, Izuku’s self preservation went out the window oddly enough, but I think it’s mainly because his focus went back to Shigaraki, and like I said before, he’d do anything to help somebody, not caring what happens to himself.
Anyways…
What do you love about their dynamic?
Idk why but this feels like such a loaded question…
Their dynamic is like ten tropes rolled into one so it’s hard to pinpoint what my favorite part about their dynamic is, but if I had to choose, I would say it’s the way they always put each other first even when their relationship was bad.
They could literally not talk to each other or acknowledge each other for days at a time, and they’d still be the first person on their minds. They just live in each others brains rent free and they always had each others backs when it counted. Like, Katsuki rescued Deku as early as the USJ arc, at a time he arguably felt the worst about him. Yet, he still helped him.
Or after he was kidnapped and he started to suspect Izuku and All Mights secret, he was angry and jealous and blaming himself for everything that happened to All Might, yet he still chose to confide in Izuku. Despite being pissed at him and actively fighting him.
And on the opposite end, Deku would be there for Katsuki despite the way he treated him. He literally told him to kill himself in chapter one, and Deku ended up saving his life just a few hours later. He’d continuously call him amazing even when other people pointed out his angry behavior.
The way they treated each other in moments of crisis and the way they would talk about each other just never matched up. Katsuki could talk as much shit as he wanted, but that didn’t change the fact that he never truly underestimated Izuku and that he’s always been the guy to step in when Izuku couldn’t handle something on his own. And Izuku can praise him all he wanted and be as nonchalant as possible, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’d avoid over stepping with Katsuki but he’d act like the world was ending when Katsuki would be wronged in some way. They’re weird about each other in words but then so obsessively loyal to each other in actions. I have no clue if I’m making sense, it’s hard to put into coherent words.
Since what moment did you start shipping them?
I picked up the manga basically right after season 5 finished airing cuz I had just binge watched the whole thing and something just didn’t feel right? It was the first time I was actually interested in what was going to happen next in a show, that I decided to look up the source material.
I started on chapter 257 and I had to just pause once I hit 285. Because I’ll admit, I was a hater. I was a hater who genuinely didn’t understand why Katsuki would suddenly just put himself in harms way to save Deku like that. So I stopped reading and decided to start from chapter 1 and it all just started to click in my brain. If they were in the same situation in middle school where Deku was about to potentially get a lethal injury, Katsuki would’ve done the same thing. He’s never not valued Deku as a person, he just hated that Deku was better than him at something so important to his dream.
So I guess you could say it was Katsuki’s sacrifice that made me begin to ship them, but I think it was really just a pipeline to me re reading everything and slowly starting to realize how genuinely weird they were about each other from the start. Oh and when I got back to where I stopped and then read up to Katsuki’s apology, that really solidified it for me. I was hooked and I think the fbi agent in my phone saw me crying about it, because the next day my tiktok was flooded with bkdk fanart which just hooked me even more and lead me to tumblr.
Basically, me wanting to understand why Katsuki did what he did when the whole internet was telling me to hate him and his ship with Deku, unironically improved my reading/media comprehension. They made me start reading more and start paying attention to what I was actually consuming. I haven’t just blindly watched anything since then, and now I’m an annoying, opinionated bitch when it comes to most media.
Also, to put this more into perspective, I have really bad ADHD (and probably asd tbh, it runs in my family) and I hated to read as a teenager. I physically could not force myself to read something to the end, and it would actually give me headaches when I would try to read for more than like ten minutes at a time. But mha and my curiosity about Katsuki Bakugou specifically, interested me enough to binge read 350+ chapters (at the time I started) worth of manga as well as 6 light novels. And after that, I literally couldn’t stop reading. Ew I think I just realized that bkdk lowkey changed my life ajdbdjdj that’s embarrassing… moving on…
What are your favorite BKDK moments?
Idk why but I think about that one scene from class a vs class b at least once a week. And no, not the one where BlackWhip manifested.
It’s a manga only-ish scene after Monoma was like “what? You’re gonna tell me Bakugou got character development?” And Kirishima says “yeah blah blah blah… it’s the first time we’ve seen him put it all on the line for someone else…” and the camera pans to Izuku. In the anime, that pan got cut out for whatever reason, but it just plagues my mind because that quote can mean so many things, and the fact that the focus was switched to Deku from someone else’s perspective, just puts so many thoughts in my brain.
Other than that, I think the scene after the war where Katsuki tries to find Deku in the hospital but gets stopped, is my second favorite. It’s the first time we see him shamelessly worry about him. And then, this is weird, but the panels before his sacrifice where he’s just panicking for like two straight chapters and then has a flashback where he explains how he actually feels to All Might.
Katsuki’s death lies in fourth place, while I think the scene is beautiful, it happened on my birthday and literally ruined my weekend so I will forever be salty about that. And then I think DvK 1 and 2 are tied, I love just going back to read them to see what I missed.
Oh and of course, “for the rest of our lives” altered my brain chemistry.
There’s some light novel and TUM moments too, but I know their canonicity is questionable so I won’t go into that, especially since a lot of the new people in the fandom haven’t really read those and I don’t wanna spoil anything. All I can do is recommend them :)
You don’t have to apologize for anything dnana! I love talking about them! If anyone should apologize, it should be me for this post being so long lmao
51 notes · View notes
soapsbaby · 1 year ago
Text
Sweet Dreams
Kinktober Day Seven
Tumblr media
Summary: Simon comes home late while you are asleep already but simply can't resist you. Characters: Simon “Ghost” Riley x f!reader Warnings: NSFW (mdni), Somnophilia (previously consented to) Word Count: 1000ish
He comes home later than he had promised you, it’s early in the morning when he finally quietly shuts the front door behind him, kicking off his shoes and hanging up his coat.
He is quietly cursing himself that it has taken him so long to get home, he would have loved to have you, finally get rid of all of that pent up frustration. Grab you and take you wherever in the house that he found you. No exchange of words, just pin you down and fuck you. You could talk afterwards.
But he is sure you are asleep by now, and he can’t blame you. It's late, you have work in the morning. 
He walks into the bedroom as quietly as he can, careful not to wake you. It’s a full moon, bright enough for him to be able to see you clearly without turning on any of the lights. There you are, peacefully curled up, wearing one of his shirts. It’s way too big on your frame. Your skin is almost tinted blue in the pale moonlight.
He slides into bed silently, hoping the denting of the mattress doesn't wake you, but it doesn't seem to. For a moment he genuinely considers going to sleep, just waiting it out until the morning. 
He could have you before you leave for work, fill you up before you have to go. It wouldn’t be the first time his patience had been tested, but something about tonight felt different.
Just a look… A look wouldn’t hurt, right? He gently pulled back the covers, revealing your ass to him. The shirt had ridden up over it and so you were only covered by a pair of panties. He silently swears under his breath. He is so desperate to touch you, to feel you.
It’s been so long.
He knows that he has the okay from you to do this, but it still feels wrong.
Still, he can't help his hand from reaching out, his fingers just barely grazing your skin, but it is enough to make his cock ache in his pants, eager to fill you.
God, he should have thought about this. Of course this had just made things worse.
You had allowed him to do this, you had encouraged him to have you in your sleep, yet the shame of how badly he wanted it now still almost took overhand.
Almost.
His fingers reach out again, this time he hooks them on your panties.
He knows he is on the border of no return, but trying to get himself to care is growing more difficult by the second.
The fabric slides over your ass and down your legs easily, leaving you even more exposed to him. He just leaves them halfway down your thighs.
"Shit…", he mutters under his breath, palming his cock through his underwear. He is already fully hard and cursing himself for it.
Every step he had taken had been too far, and now there was no going back. He had to have you.
Your pussy is so beautiful in front of him, so inviting, slightly glistening. 
His fingers reach out, his middle finger parting your lips and feeling how wet and warm you are.
His finger slips into you so easily, he almost loses his composure thinking about how good you’ll feel around his cock.
He slowly works you open for him, adding a second finger.
There are quiet noises escaping your mouth, but you are still asleep, even as you slightly grind yourself against him, looking for some type of friction.
He uses his other hand to free his cock from his underwear, lining it up with your pussy.
You whimper quietly as he pushes himself inside of you, for a moment it seems like you are waking up, but he softly shushes you back to sleep.
“It’s okay.”, he hums. He presses a kiss to the back of your neck, hand gently running through your hair.
“I’m sorry, Baby. Go back to sleep. I just need to have you right now.” 
It surprises even him that this works, but you just mutter something and then your eyes fall shut again.
He swears under his breath as he pumps into you a few times, rolling his hips against your ass until he bottoms out inside of you. He is amazed at how easily you take him. 
He does a few careful strokes, already feeling himself getting close. It’s been so long until he has been able to fuck you and everything about this situation, how forbidden all of it is, makes it even more difficult for him to not just burst on the spot.
You usually come around his cock so easily, he wonders if you can do it like this as well.
His fingers reach around you, gently shifting your sleeping body until he finds your clit, drawing small circles across it.
He wants to just pound into you, but he doesn’t want to disturb your sleep, so instead he goes steady, slow deep pumps.
A whimper escapes your throat, your breaths growing heavy as your body reacts to his touch.
“C’mon, Baby.”, he whispers, lip tucked between his teeth to keep himself quiet. He wants to hold back, wants to keep going for as long as he can, but he loses it when you finally clench around him, whining desperately as your orgasm makes you shake in his arms.
He comes deep inside of you, his face buried against your shoulder, taking in your scent as he struggles to keep himself silent. He keeps his cock inside of you as he can slowly feel himself getting soft again, plugging you up to not let any of his cum go to waste or make a mess.
Such a good girl, he thinks to himself, the aftershocks of his orgasm making him slightly tremble.
He gently pulls you into his arms, your back to his chest, pressing kisses to the back of your neck.
He is hoping that by morning he’ll still be inside of you.
189 notes · View notes
keepyourpantsongohan · 9 months ago
Text
Ayesha Liveblogs Spy x Family S2
Awww, I like that Bond Forger the Dog also gets an intro about HIS secret identity. Equal opportunity deceit
Are we finally going to learn who exacty Yor is fighting? I would like to know!
Been there Anya, I also had little patience for watching the news as as a kid. Though, it seems more important in a pre-internet era
"Okay, you can change the channel." Loid Forger, International Spy, defeated by one (1) sad look from his little daughter
"I absolutely cannot tell him that I got shot in the butt while fighting a group of armed men." 10/10 episode plot, I cannot wait
"I've been relying on her too much without realizing it, and it's upset her. Yes, that must be it! I must do everything in my power to remedy this at once!" Loid immediately blaming Yor's mood on himself and deciding he has to be respond by being a better husband!!! I will keep saying it. He is THE Husband. World's Most Husband
"Why don't we go on a date?" HEE HEE
Tumblr media
Puzzling that Yor thinks she hasn't been on a date though, when I can think of at least three dates so far (party-grenade-proposal date, lunch date, and drinks-and-reassurance date)
"I can't leave Anya alone at home, and this is a very important mission to ensure that we remain one happy family." It seems Loid has learned from the spy transmission debacle
"Last night, I came up with 862 date plans to ensure that Yor has fun." He's insane. I want to give him a leetle kiss
HAHAHAHA Franky being absolutely thrilled to bother Loid and Yor on their date. What a friendship 💕
Intriguing that Anya's telepathy has a distance limit. Tell me more!
Honestly, Yor having to position herself in a specific way to avoid pain is relatable. We love a chronic pain queen
"This woman had built up an immunity to poisons." HAHAHAHAHA the poison fixing Yor's pain. Sometimes, drinking does solve your problems!
LMAOOOO them censoring the bomb components. A real "don't try this at home" moment
NOT THE BABY MAKING THE BOMB. ANYA PLEASE
"I'm going to forget all this and live a normal life." Perfect. Forgers reforming their enemies left and right
"If it's not too much trouble, please invite me out again sometime." Never let being married stand in the way of your husband becoming your boyfriend 🥰
SCREAM at Bond's perception of what Loid does for work. I guess he's closer to the truth than most:
Tumblr media
"Are you trying to do this for your... no. Are you trying to get revenge for your friends who were experimented on?" HAHAHA is Loid blushing because he wants to call himself his dog's dad?
FBKFJHFFHKJHF Loid taking on Bond as his mission back-up. He truly can be swayed so easily
WHERE DID LOID GET A DOG-SIZED SKI MASK AHHAHAHA
I love the giant puppy spy sidekick, employ this dog ASAP
"While they're busy playing, I'm going to work hard to get to the top," said Damian Desmond, Six Years Old, for whom The Top was beating all the other little bougie first graders
"Your friendship... preciously elegant." Me whenever I finish hanging out with my friends
I love that Henderson-sensei sends the kids out on a picnic as a punishment. He really is as silly as he is strict
I don't know if this is a vegetarian thing or a cultural thing but it always seems wild to me how people in anime bite into fish, scales and all
"Did you know that the most recent studies in neuroscience suggest that your brain feels really revitalized when you're spacing out?" I like Mr. Green, Grizzled Navy Custodian, too
HAHA Damian trying his hardest to space out. Me when people tell me to practice mindfulness
"Oh, you don't [have a goal], eh? That's perfectly fine!" "Actually, I want to live my life eating lots of snacks." "Splendid! You'll have to think earnestly about how to make that possible." I take it back, I LOVE MR. GREEN
Ready to sob about this field trip actually. AHHHHHHH:
Tumblr media
"Good evening, Mr. Vile Trash." ACAB; All Cops are (Weird) Brothers
"What's so wrong about trying to improve the country my family lives in?" Nothing but the hostile, paternalistic nationalism of a Cold War, Frank Perkin, Newspaper Sensationalist and Adult Bully of Wealthy Children
"I'll request that your father gets some financial aid to get by." I feel like that will not make up for imprisoning his son, Yuri, but whatever helps you sleep
"Blech." That's also how I feel about Weird Brother Yuri, Anya
"Revenge will only make you sadder. I'll make you forget about all that with my love." This is the plot of Naruto
Honestly, I was super sold on the Bondman Polycule when it was just him, his spy partner Agent M, and the enemy spy lady who had all linked arms together. I feel like this could work:
Tumblr media
"How was anything he did gentlemanly?" Loid said: I'm a one-woman kind of spy
"Lord Damian, how could you possibly pick the joker there." "Shut up!' [Internally] She's so unfair... Damn it! I like to believe Loid might approve of Damian's crush purely because he is also willing to do whatever Anya wants if she makes one (1) sad face
Poor Anya. She's really most suited to using her street smarts
"Garden? The group of assassins who have been in this country for ages? They're basically urban legends, aren't they?" FINALLY we're finding out more about Yor's job!! They do in fact seem at cross purposes with the spies
[Loid already walking away] "He's such a heartless jerk." I bet you $5 he has already decided to help Franky LMAO
Update from 8 min later: Alright, I owe you $5, he didn't care
"Am I normal?! Oh, thank goodness!" said Yor excitedly, as if that were not a moderately suspicious response to being called normal
Excited for an ep with no double-barreled title. Plot progression!
I truly don't know where this falls on the spectrum of ways that anime will depict black and brown characters LMAO. Like Donovan Desmond, the Shopkeeper has an extremely haunting aura:
Tumblr media
"You will be providing protection on this mission." Oooooh, change of pace!
"Is there actually any reason why I should continue my job as a killer?" A question every assassin should ask themselves, I think
"HQ may or may not be trying to cut back on our shady overtime practices." Incredible. I can't believe even the underground spy agency has PTO. I wonder who regulates spy labour law
"If not for this bodyguard job, the three of us could've enjoyed this vacation together." AWWW Yor loves her family so much
"You can say this is a gangster's destiny." [Reba voice] A single mom who works too hard, who loves her kid never stops!
"Papa! We need to hurry up and explore the ship before it sinks!" "It's not going to sink! Stop scaring everyone." The fact the staircase looks distinctly modelled after that one scene from Titanic really sells Anya's point
Loid incapable of framing having fun as anything but a mission ljggkjgj truly he might benefit from a Real Psychologist
"That family's just for camoflauge, right?" "Yes, you're right... Is... that true?" I love Yor slowly admitting that she loves her family for their own sake 💗
As Yor was declaring doing her best, I did worry briefly that someone was going to [redact] Olka. Other anime have been less kind to me than Spy x Family
I love Yor making another mum friend in Olka 💞 Gal pals
Finally saying suspicious things in public has a consequence!!
Tumblr media
"It's been a while since we've had dinner without Mama." "Yeah, it's a bit lonely." Hee hee, Loid misses his wife
I love the immediate transformation in Yor's face as soon as Olka/Shaty says she didn't order room service
I don't have much to say but I am really entranced by the assassin vs. assassin + informant goings on!!
"I may not look it, but I'm a married woman, so I'll have to decline." Absolutely loving Yor quietly and efficiently beating these hitmen unconscious as she passes through the cruise ship
Tumblr media
"Which is it?! Would normal parents buy their child something in this situation or not?!" Loid is incapable of making a decision without thinking about how it looks in relation to him being a spy. Anxiety king
[In Anya's mind] "Yor! You're an assasin who hates frogs? Let's get a divorce. The Forgers are done." Like father, like anxiety-ridden daughter
"I am a normal father. A good father," said Loid, which is frankly not usually something a good or normal father would say
"Papa, you're not excited at all." Loid defeated by one (1) six-year-old's piercingly accurate psychoanalysis
Loid is facing a true Psychological Battle: The Fitting Room
Anya Ultimate Wingman Award for convincing everyone her mum's battle is actually a circus act
Awwww, Zeb, Fake Husband to Olka, likes her. I hope this is a healthy experience in Yor seeing other fake couples work it out, but I do also think Zeb could mega-die
"As long we people continue to be people, conflict will never end." Alright, Director Doomsday, calm down
"What am I? What am I doing this for?" [B Eilish voice] What was I made foooooor?
"Does she hate me? Or is she just going through a rebellious phase?" Loid whenever one of the Forger girls looks upset: THIS MUST BE MY FAULT SOMEHOW
A hasty and confident NO to Assassin Sniff's whole vibes
We interrupt this program to think about how cute Loid and Anya are!! I love Loid entertaining Anya and also supporting her while he thinks she's missing Yor
"Nice, Mr. Husband!" Oh good, we love a bulletproof vest for Zeb!
Truly a wild juxtaposition of Forger Family Fireworks Night:
Tumblr media Tumblr media
"This might be a bit late to ask, but would you consider just peacefully going home?" I love you, Compassionate Combat
I'm having a hard time believing all this will happen without Loid eventually noticing; the fireworks are long gone. I actually do hope Loid crashes her battle, Director Doomsday is out cold
"I'm doing this to support my family.... wait. I guess I am also doing this for money. But... no, I make enough to survive now. I'm hunting down bad guys for my country! For my country? Have I always been so righteous? What am I doing this for?" Poor Yor, this is like the worst possible time for an existential crisis
YOR AND LOID BOTH BEING MOTIVATED BY THEIR DESIRE FOR OTHERS TO LIVE A PEACEFUL LIFE 😭💘😭💘😭💘😭💘
[In Yor's flashback] "Be it for someone else, or for a specific reason, having to endure a merciless job... That's something to be very proud of." I'm sure Loid will acknowledge me. He'll forgive me. I like to think so too, Yor!!
Never mind to Loid helping Yor out, he is busy disarming a bomb threatening to sink them. This truly is the Titanic LMAO
LGLHGLGJHGLJHG Anya accidentally tripping the assassins so they shoot each other. Like mother, like daughter 💖
"You'll be able to enjoy the symphony of agonized screams and roars coming through the wiretaps on this ship." I can't wait for Loid to sink this guy with his own clock-bomb
Update from 30 seconds later: See? Self-owned and sunk
Awwwww Yor really does deserve the baby hug after the day she's had:
Tumblr media
"I pray that, someday, you and your family will be able to find true peace." OLKAAAA
"I know it was an emergency, but I ended up casting my family aside again." Loid and Yor having the same crisis about whether to prioritize their family or their jobs 🥺🥺🥺
Loid's blush at Yor catching him skipping as he continues to skip over in her direction. Hee hee
"I hope peaceful days like this will continue forever." ME TOO, YOR!
Get you a mum who would secretly beat up sharks for you ❤️‍🩹
Setting aside how fun snorkeling is, absolutely terrible idea to go into the ocean with an open wound OMG
Loid carrying his whole family is the cutest thing I've ever seen, 10 bajilion/10zo; perfect:
Tumblr media
[Internally] "You did a great job." Loid is in loooooove
"I can never tell if he's actually clever, or clumsy." Me either, Handler
Anya learning about the vacation disparity of rich kids LMAO
"If youre going to create a persona for yourself, you need to be strategic and commit." Not Loid turning this lie lecture into a spy lecture in his mind
"Lying is too much work, so I'll try not to do it anymore." Anya's entire set of adult role models do nothing but lie all the time, she really has no frame of reference for honesty
I do a little bit hate the Becky fantasizing about Loid thing, I have been Cardcaptor Sakura'd too much in life
NOT ANYA SELLING OUT HER MUM FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF BECKY BEING HER RICH SIX-YEAR-OLD STEPMUM OH MY GOD
I feel like they take a lot of liberties in translating "Loid-sama" as "my precious Loid" but hey, he is precious
"Yor's going to get the wrong idea, somehow." Loid has finally registered that this child is obsessed with him and he is only concerned for wife not thinking he's a freak. A good husband above all else
"I really don't understand the children of rich people." Me either, Loid
I need you to see Loid's face as Becky declares that this is his expression of love for Yor:
Tumblr media
"Your heart is as vast as the sky, and you're stronger than the earth itself. You're the perfect lady." Correct, Becky! Yor is amazing
"I had some extra souvenirs left after handing them out to everyone else. Do you want them?" LMAO @ the implication being lost on Fiona that he doesn't even think of her enough to warrant her own souvenir
I will say, I really do resonate with the theme of the ep being Loid is Hot and Amazing to Everyone But No One Will Ever Measure Up to Yor in His Eyes
"Maybe you're too nice, and biting and barking don't really suit you." Everyone in the Forger family is too nice for their job, including Bond Forger, Precognitive Puppy
Awwww Bond trying to help out all the humans with his visions
LNKFHKFHKJFH Loid really just got reprimanded by his dog
"And he went into save [Daisy the puppy]? What an impressive dog!" I love the Spy Dad-Psychic Puppy tag-team ❤️
[Internally] "I am a cool-headed spy. I cannot let my emotions show." Loid remains deadpan through SO many things but his dog looking a little funny while wet is his limit. What a man!
"Don't push yourself too hard. There's someone waiting back home who would be sad if you died." 1) V sweet, dad first, hero second. And 2) This is the second time Loid has directly spoken to his life situation with a simultaneous thinly-veined dog metaphor
WAHHHHHHH Loid and Bond's heroics being acknowledged by Anya giving them little paper Stellas:
Tumblr media
Yor immediately joining in and congratulating them for their hard work on their walk!!! I LOVE ONE (1) SPY X FAMILY 😭😭😭😭😭 IT'S A NICE SHOW
108 notes · View notes
porphyriosao3 · 2 months ago
Text
Day 1 - The Mountain
The sun was 'setting' on a dismal grey day. Presumably setting at least, an onlooker might think, because far in the west, a marginally brighter spot low on the cloud covered horizon marked the only indicator that the night had not yet officially fallen.  The dull ashen light barely showed a long train of wagons and footsore dwarves walking through the scrubby bushes and tall grass on the eaves of the Greenwood.
"D'you think they know we're coming?  The miners?" Bulfi whispered to the king, his voice pitched low.  The last thing they needed was to give the group any new worries.  The warriors on the outside of the group were already wary from repeated orc attacks, and what they would find when they arrived... remained to be seen.  The old advisor worried about everything, but Thrain thought he wasn't wrong in this.  Not at all.  He thanked Mahal every day that the old dwarf had made it out.  Just the thought of surviving without him sent a chill up his spine.
"I sent a raven," the king said, repeating his answer to the question he had given easily a dozen times before.  "Surely it got through..."  Bulfi's grim face reflected his own.  They had no word in response.  Mahal's own fires, the king thought sourly, what am I supposed to say?  What am I supposed to do?
"Well, I suppose we'll see soon enough," was Bulfi's response.  He glanced around at the distant, brassy cries of a tiny pebble, furious at, well, everything.  The state of the world. I can't blame you, child, Thrain thought.  I feel the same, the very same.  He only hoped the sound didn't set the other children crying; such a noise would be like catnip to the orcs that occasionally hunted these lands from the Grey Mountains to the north. 
They had been on the road for weeks from the ruin of Khazad-Dûm.  No time to gather more than the bare necessities; pure luck they had any more than the clothes on their backs, really.  Thrain's father had run into the depths to face that... thing... that had killed his grandfather.  Needless to say, and to the shock of no-one, he had not returned.  Thrain himself had taken the sensible route, though it made him heartsick. Instead of going with his father into a heroic death, he chose pragmatism. He rallied what dwarves he could find on the first deep, soldiers, civilians, everyone in the great city he passed. He put people to work to amass what food and materiel could be gathered, arm and call up the soldiers on duty, and arrange their hurried departure.  Departure.  He snorted in miserable amusement, making Bulfi glance over before turning his gaze back to his own sore feet.  Flight, more like.  Rout, if he was honest. Right now he was too tired and heartsick to feel shame, but he knew he would one day.
The distant mountain loomed on the horizon as it had the previous day, and the day before that.  It thrust up from the land below like a fist; mirroring the fury and rebellion against the recent events in Thrain's own heart. Imaginings of revenge and such impossibilities aside, though, they had to arrive before they could plan anything. Even dwarves could only move so fast. 
Despite being the king he'd already given up his own seat on the royal wagon to a pregnant dam.  He was far too young to be king, but that was his title, despite feeling regal as the muck beneath the wheels of the wagons. Old Bulfi had made the same gesture, though Thrain wished he hadn't. Children were the most important, yes, but without his advisor's guidance he would be so lost he might make an even worse muddle than he had.  Mahal grant that the dams bear safely once they reached refuge; it was hard enough for their women to bear when home and safe, and this... Mahal grant that they even survived. 
Thrain was a dwarf surviving on hope.  He hoped that the mining colony was still there, ahead in the distant mountain lingering on the horizon.  He hoped that they wouldn't think this was an attacking host.  He hoped that the elves of that bloody great forest wouldn't take exception to the tattered remnants of three of the great clans of the dwarves staggering past their doorstep.  Most of all, he hoped that the mountain ahead was a place of safety. Erebor, the elves called it.  The mountain ahead was all they had left.
30 notes · View notes
cult-of-the-eye · 10 months ago
Note
LEMME HEAR YOUR UNHINGED TMA RANTS! <3
Oooh I think I've already posted a lot of my rants but one of the characters who I haven't really had a whole rant on is Martin K blackwood.
THIS MAN. This man is so wonderfully written. A lot of characterisations of the "nice one" are quite flat and don't really expand much on them being nice apart from maybe giving the person low self esteem. What I love about Martin is how masterfully it uses that sort of prototype of a character and makes it much more gut wrenching and relatable. He starts off as sort of the office dunce from Jon's pov, which early on we also realise is unreliable. He's the bumbling idiot, the sweet fool and I get it. As a fat person, I feel like a lot of us feel pressured to be the comic relief or to put it more precisely, the one to be laughed at. And he's seen the gap in the archives, he's seen that role that needs to be filled and he's easily filled it. When you have the group of Tim and Sasha and then Jon, the only thing that could unite them is mutual awkward laughter towards Martin. And Martin is used to seeing what's there and filling the gaps, man is a people pleaser to a fault, he has had to guess what his mum didn't like about him and change accordingly, getting it wrong every time. He makes himself palatable which is so REAL especially for a fat person and/or traumatised people.
And then we see this more calculating side of him. He LIED to all his colleagues and his BOSS about a qualification to get a job and then kept that lie going for at least a couple of months. Listen, I don't think it's fair to label Martin as completely a manipulative calculating guy who's just put on a mask but it's also not exactly fair to characterise him as just a sweet, tea making guy who wears jumpers. And that's what I love about him. He's so complex. I feel like it delves into the idea of having both a saviour complex as well as an inferiority complex. He's had to make choices that are above his skillset early in his life and frequently, he's been blamed for causing other people's emotions so he naturally thinks he has control over how other people feel. Which gives him that sense of responsibility, like I can save anyone cause I can control their emotions, if I'm nice enough then they won't be mad/ill/sad/they'll love me. But at the same time, these sort of underhand methods of indirect communication don't resonate to him as causing any damage cause he doesn't actually think he's important enough to cause damage or have an impact on other people's lives
I don't think it's of any shock to anyone that my favourite Martin is angry Martin. It's the part that fights against both aspects of this inferiority/saviour complex because it 1. Is a path of direct communication. He has the opportunity to state exactly how he is feeling and the focus is on that rather than how can I get the other person to respond. 2. It recognises that he is important. Anger is in response to perceived injustice, frustration, annoyance and all of those things are in a way, self preserving. Obviously it's not good to do that too much (see: Tim Stoker) but there you go. I'm not saying angry Martin is perfect or anything but I'm saying that it's so satisfying and interesting to see cause it completely goes against the characterisation we've been given so far and it introduces a whole new facet to Martin - that he doesn't want to be ruled by his trauma and past experiences.
It's honestly a joy to see Martin develop into someone who fights more against the role he's been "given" while simultaneously playing into it. His whole Peter Lukas arc is very much a part of that. Essentially he's saying I'm not important enough to contribute the way you are (inferiority) but I'm still going to try and control things behind the scenes (saviour). So when Jon goes to save him it breaks that, he looks him in the eyes and tells him you, Martin K Blackwood are Important, you make an impact and you Mean Something. You don't have to save us all. It's such an important part of his character arc and honestly it blows me away every time I think about it.
Plus obviously the whole isolation thing is just so AGH it's just so built in to his character it makes complete sense that he has a tendency to isolate himself. It fulfills both the inferiority and saviour - he doesn't think he's important enough to be missed but also he feels like it'll push them into missing him. Solving the problem and putting himself down in one fell swoop.
Our final stage of Martin is one that is far from perfect, far from healed but absolutely closer than he was at the beginning. He shows more of himself, in working towards realising he makes an impact on people, telling jokes and just sharing his thoughts to Jon. So what does him stabbing Jon mean for this? Honestly I'm not entirely sure (I'm gonna be honest I did not realise this rant would be so long lol) but I'm thinking along the lines of this is an ultimate show of acceptance of his significance and rejection of his need to save people. He is committing the most direct act of all, he's doing this in the same need to help people but instead of being manipulative about it, he's just directly doing what needs to be done. But also he's not saving Jon, he's doing the complete opposite. He couldn't control Jon's response to the situation, as much as he wanted to, so he did what jon wanted. I might not be explaining this right cause I'm not entirely sure what I mean either but I'm trying to say it's a poetic end. It's separate from everything he was but in a way that's parallel to and pays homage to his struggles. He's still being sort of a saviour and he's still arguably not the most important person in this scenario but the point is that it's in a different way than he's used to. In my opinion, a better way.
Anyway yeah thank you for enabling me, I didn't know how much I needed this rant and I didn't know I had so much to say lol. <3
96 notes · View notes
chaifootsteps · 10 months ago
Note
I think the other HB Take I've grown to dislike the most is
'When Via realizes what her father sacrificed for her, she'll be so thankful / sorry for doubting him!!'
and like, no?? no she shouldn't be?
it was never her decision for her parents to stay together all that time, they made that choice themselves. The kid is not responsible for what the adults are doing. The show pulling a "Stolas got hurt for her sake so she needs to be grateful for that when Stolas is the one who made the choice to do it" is lousy logic, imo. It's blaming Via for being too young to know what was going on and expecting her to answer for her parents' choices & actions
not to mention It's made very clear that all the fighting after Stolas cheated is making her home life miserable. Anyone who's been between two warring parents will tell you how much it sucks
and also like - maybe the show wants to frame it that Stolas gave her a 'normal life' but the show is wrong about that, gonna be blunt
nothing about the Goetia's home life was ever 'normal'. Stella & Stolas never wanted to marry. they never wanted a child together. Everything about their life was artificial from the get-go and doomed to failure, especially since Stella presumably never even put in the effort to playact 'happy families' once Via was born
and like, the show has written Stella to be so comically evil that she threw Still Not Divorced parties in their house, where Via was living, that she advertised in the newspaper. Via would have to be pretty checked out to not notice that Stella and Stolas can't stand one another. Kids aren't dumb about that kind of thing, they will notice. And given Stella does nothing but screech/insult Stolas every time she's onscreen (and it's implied she's physically abused him before), if Stolas actually cared about Via's wellbeing he'd want her far away from Stella. This self-martyring routine of his makes no sense.
On some level a lot of people judge parents irl for staying with abusive partners if they're subjecting a child to that environment, too, and that's with the understanding the parent loved/still loves the abuser on some level. Stolas never loved Stella. Why is he subjecting Via to her, especially when he's the one who's a prince and could easily have her thrown out of the palace?
it makes the shows' determination to never show what the dynamic between Stella and Via is even more frustrating, because if they did get one it would at least lend some credence to Stolas' 'I thought there was some benefit to us staying together for Via's sake' routine. if she has a relationship with her mother then it makes some sense, even if that relationship is strained at times. but the writers are terrified of giving Stella any dimension at all so I'd bet good money we won't even see them exchange a single line of dialogue by the end of s2 (unless it's for Via to be manipulated by her, since she needs to be the world's biggest dummy so Stolas can cry some more)
(also like, sidenote that's just been annoying me personally - why would a Hell noble be so hung up on the notion of having a nuclear family? he's royalty. he can easily afford to raise Via alone. what are the normative values of Hell, exactly?? why would anyone care if Stolas gets a divorce? why can't the show clearly indicate what is and isn't expected of royalty in terms of upkeep of behavior and reputation?)
(also also, if Stolas was written to be deluding himself about what he did being good for Via then this could be interesting. but I doubt they're gonna go there with the creator's pet he's turned into in s2)
She probably will end up running back to Stolas, apologizing and expressing her gratitude for anything. Because that's the kind of show this is and that's the kind of writer Viv is.
67 notes · View notes
jahtrashh · 4 months ago
Note
I saw your take on Zuko and like I agree so much. this fandom either idolises him or hates him and I always found that sooo weird. same goes with characters like Jet who are somehow treated like perfectly functioning adults by the fandom and held accountable of their actions as if they were grown men. and that’s so freaking weird. the point of Zuko’s redemption arc is that his arc isn’t linear, he makes mistakes, learns from it, makes up for it. as for Jet, although not a big fan of the way the writers handled his death, he’s literally being seen as an unredeemable monster, as if worse that characters like OZAI OR ZHAO by many fans and… just… how ?? why ?? they are both 16 ?? like yeah, they did so much bad stuff, they did really messed up stuff but they are also quite literally products of their environment and a freaking 100 years war. how is Zuko, fed with propaganda, on a ship since he’s 13, with a freaking general as his only paternal figure at that time, surrounded by men twice his age who are also either soldiers or at least army related, and still 16 at the time, suppose to be a “nice guy” archetype that does nothing wrong. like please be for real one second. and don’t get me started on Jet. whole village burned to the ground, orphan, had to raise so many kids, probably grew up in extreme poverty. ofc he’s messed up. ofc he’s violent, blinded by rage. but again, 16 !!! HE’S 16 !! it kills how people don’t realise that teenagers (especially teenage boys) are anything but mature, collected and emotionally rational. like bfr.
but in the atla fandom ig saying this would make me a zuko/jet apologist. whatever that means. as an adult i just see a bunch of messed up kids in the middle of the war, and that’s basically it. at best i feel bad for them, at worst i pity them.
Say it louder for the people in the back. I don’t know how to dumb it down enough for people to wrap their damn head around how these are in fact, also, teenagers involved in war. The world is in shambles during war, right and wrong are easily blurred during those times, and it takes a very special person to be able to differentiate between the sides without getting too caught up in what they believe is right or wrong.
Zuko could’ve stayed a racist, imperialist, dipshit. But by the end of the show, he turns into just a simple dipshit who accepted his life changing 180 with open arms. Yes he said some insensitive shit to aang about his beliefs and mocked his anti-violent views even when he joined them in season 3, but AGAIN, not only was he still learning how to be a decent human being, he was also blinded by his own hatred of his father, mixed with the very much pro-violent nature of the fire nation, PLUS the lack of education on Aang’s culture and philosophy which was AGAIN, taught around PRO-PA-GAN-DA the FN created. All of which, takes time to unlearn. On top of figuring himself and who he was, which is what most teenagers, more often than not will have a whole crisis about ALONE. I honestly don’t know how people expect a redemption arc to go, we’ve all had to learn how to be better about things, and the progress isn’t going to be liner nor will it always be easy. That is human nature. That is LIFE.
And on Jet’s case, why do people think it’s such a terrible thing to make some characters who were victims of war crimes, to be angry, to lust for revenge against the perpetrators, or be irrational and violent. THEY HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO. The FN took the last bit of Jet’s life that he barely even had and stripped all of that completely away from him like the savages that they are. Why is it a terrible thing to be angry at people who didn’t think twice about the families, the sense of community that his village had? I agree that Jet was going too far when he was trying to take it out on innocent people, but can you really blame him? He didn’t have an adult to help him out on the importance of emotional maturity and how to be angry at the ones who actually harmed you like Zuko did, and even if he did, teenagers won’t be emotionally matured TRULY until they develop into adults. He had to be the mock adult for the kids younger than him, he didn’t have time to decode himself and better his actions because he was too focused on protecting the freedom fighters and himself against the FN’s abuses.
People don’t realize that this is not babying them, or being so called “apologists” this is called understanding why these two are the way that they are. Why are they like this? And it’s so much to take in and talk about at once that you’d need an entire college level essay to completely break down and comprehend how deep war can affect not just adults, but teenagers and children. Those two groups don’t have true moral compasses, so the environment and circumstances can really impact and easily mold their minds to fit the standards in said situation in order to survive it. This is called self-preservation. A more than common trauma response.
I mean seriously, I heard someone say they can understand Zuko hate but not Iroh hate, when he has in fact, done much worse than Zuko has ever done in those 3 years at sea. I love Iroh, but he’s an adult, why are we choosing adults over traumatized and war-fed teenagers who mainly comply in that shit to seek approval from their actually psychotic, genocidal, narcissistic, and abusive father that would dispose of them if they didn’t fit his standards? Why are we quicker to blame the teenagedvictim of the FN’s attacks and cruelty, than the actual people, adults, who conducted the attacks?
Are we truly regressing as a fandom? The show wouldn’t give them their traumatic experiences and talk about their abusers if they wanted the viewer to antagonize the victims. Goes to show that the loudest voices screaming “irredeemable monster” and “they want people to feel sorry for him” never truly know who these characters are and how they operate, they need everything spoon fed to them which is very unfortunate. The real irredeemable monsters are right there in their face and they choose to look somewhere else.
It’s so obvious how people in this fandom pick and choose who to feel sympathy for, when they all needed it.
22 notes · View notes